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Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. exJW
Some people think that students should go to work just like they have to go to school, because they do not know anything about the outside world. I strongly disagree with this idea owing to three reasons. First, children, including teenagers, may not adapt to the working conditions because of the lack of knowledge and experience. They cannot apply for any company, and the only way is to have a job is cleaning, shipping, or dishwashing at restaurants. But these stressful jobs require a strong and healthy body and the ability to be resistant to harsh weather. And some people even want them to go to work as well as go to school, which means at least five days a week. It is hard to believe that teenagers can bear all of these. Another reason is that if students are too focus on their work, they will probably forget to study properly. Spending a numerous number of time thinking about their job can make the young distract from learning. Furthermore, there may be a lot of students whose bodies are not healthy enough to carry working and learning at the same time. Nothing can be done, neither their work or their learning. Moreover, students who go to work also mean that they will have salaries. After all, students are kids and most of them do not have any plan to spend or save money correctly. If parents are not teaching them how to use their own salaries, kids will use it all for toys or comic books. To conclude, it is too soon for the children to go to work. Maybe they do not know anything about the outside world, but they can learn it later, when they grow up enough to understand life and the world.
Some
people
think
that
students
should go to
work
just
like they
have to
go to school,
because
they do not know anything about the outside world. I
strongly
disagree with this
idea
owing to three reasons.

First
, children, including
teenagers
, may not adapt to the working conditions
because
of the lack of knowledge and experience. They cannot apply for any
company
, and the
only
way is to have a job is cleaning, shipping, or dishwashing at restaurants.
But
these stressful jobs require a strong and healthy body and the ability to be resistant to harsh weather. And
some
people
even want them to go to
work
as well
as go to school, which means at least five days a week. It is
hard
to believe that
teenagers
can bear all of these.

Another reason is that if
students
are
too focus
on their
work
, they will
probably
forget to study
properly
. Spending a numerous number of time thinking about their job can
make
the young distract from learning.
Furthermore
, there may be
a lot of
students
whose bodies are not healthy
enough
to carry working and learning at the same time. Nothing can
be done
, neither their
work
or
their learning.

Moreover
,
students
who go to
work
also
mean that they will have salaries.
After all
,
students
are kids and most of them do not have any plan to spend or save money
correctly
. If parents are not teaching them how to
use
their
own
salaries, kids will
use
it all for toys or comic books.

To conclude
, it is too
soon
for the children to go to
work
. Maybe they do not know anything about the outside world,
but
they can learn it later, when they grow up
enough
to understand life and the world.
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IELTS essay Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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