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Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little as possible. v. 1
Many individuals think that food for all population should be provided by their own countries as well as possible. I partly agree with that while I also believe that importing food from other countries is necessary. First of all, it is very difficult that every country could make all kinds of food which needed by people. Countries in the earth located in different place and have different climate and geography environment. Therefore, some crops are suitable to be plant and others are not. Even for the countries which have wide land like China, American and Canada, most of food could not be made by themselves. Not to mention the small one, such as Singapore, Taiwan and so on. That is why most countries not promote that all food need be made by themselves, especially it is very convenient to translate with other countries through the improvement of traffic. Secondly, if a country just focuses on their agriculture too much, the economy would hard to improve. Although food is necessary for human’s daily life, it is true that agriculture makes less worth on economy than manufacture or financial industry. Therefore, it is not wise that government allots too much budge for it and they should find the most suitable way to make people’s life better. Undeniable, if a country could produce whole food for all population, it will be great because they would not be influence by other countries, just like the ancient period, they could live by themselves. However, it would be the best choice for them. In conclusion, although producing food by country’s self has its advantage, I believe that it would be better if they import somethings from abroad and put resources into other more valuable industries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for all population should
be provided
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as well
as possible. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that while I
also
believe that importing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is necessary.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which needed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
in the earth located in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
climate and geography environment.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crops are suitable to be plant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are not. Even for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which have wide land like China, American and Canada, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could not
be made
by themselves. Not to mention the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
one, such as Singapore, Taiwan and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
That is
why most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
not promote that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
need
be made
by themselves,
especially
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient to translate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through the improvement of traffic.

Secondly
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focuses on their agriculture too much, the economy would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is necessary for human’s daily life, it is true that agriculture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
less worth on economy than manufacture or financial industry.
Therefore
, it is not wise that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allots too much budge for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they should find the most suitable way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life better. Undeniable, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could produce whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for all population, it will be great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would not be influence by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like the ancient period, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by themselves.
However
, it would be the best choice for them.

In conclusion
, although producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
self has its advantage, I believe that it would be better if they import somethings from abroad and put resources into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more valuable industries.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little as possible. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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