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Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have huge negative effect on both society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have huge negative effect on both society and individuals. v. 1
Social networking sites like Facebook and Instagram have gained tremendous popularity in recent years among the youth. Many people think that these sites have a huge adverse effect on both individuals and community. I completely agree with this argument/view. The intrinsic reason that makes me feel so is that people are getting addicted to these sites. It has been noted that even during office hours, staff members do not hesitate to browse these online sites. Besides this, social media has become a hub for petty crimes. To illustrate, cases of cyber bullying, hacking and stalking are alarmingly high. Moreover, face-to-face interaction between people has reduced which eventually leads to a polarised society. Thus, children and adults are living isolated lives despite staying in the same home and this brings them closer to psychiatric problems. Concomitantly, these networking sites have deteriorating effect on people’s health. Myriads of health issues like depression, obesity, headache, and poor vision are associated with it. On the other hand, these are some people who found the sites as a remarkable invention in history of innovation. The sites have given a common platform where one can express oneself and communicate to anyone in the world with just one click. The aforementioned discussion boils down to the fact that although social media has given us the freedom to communicate anytime and from anywhere, these networking sites are negatively affecting the lives of many individuals. This pessimistic surge is here to stay if these sites are not used judiciously.
Social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
like Facebook and Instagram have gained tremendous popularity in recent years among the youth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a huge adverse effect on both individuals and community. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument/view.

The intrinsic reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting addicted to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. It has
been noted
that even during office hours, staff members do not hesitate to browse these online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
Besides
this, social media has become a hub for petty crimes. To illustrate, cases of
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
, hacking and stalking are
alarmingly
high.

Moreover
, face-to-face interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
which
eventually
leads to a
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
society.
Thus
, children and adults are living isolated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
despite staying in the same home and this brings them closer to psychiatric problems.
Concomitantly
, these networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have deteriorating effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. Myriads of health issues like depression, obesity, headache, and poor vision
are associated
with it.
On the other hand
, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who found the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
as a remarkable invention in history of innovation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a common platform where one can express oneself and communicate to anyone in the world with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click.

The aforementioned discussion boils down to the fact that although social media has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us the freedom to communicate anytime and from anywhere, these networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
negatively
affecting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals. This pessimistic surge is here to stay if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
judiciously
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have huge negative effect on both society and individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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