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It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people v.4

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people v. 4
It is argued that it is impossible and useless to offer tertiary education for a tremendous number of young. Personally, I partly disagree with this statement. There are many reasons to explain why having a university degree has a vital role in the future of young people in this knowledge-based society. Firstly, this is because higher education provides students with more job opportunities in the fiercely competitive market, which leads to the reduction of the unemployment rate in the country. In addition to this, when people have the financial stability to meet their essential needs, the well-being of those also improved. Secondly, the university also offers a dynamic environment to train the faculty of the young generation. During in period of pursuing further education, people have more chances of enhancing their practical skills by participating in extracurricular activities such as communication, team-work skills. For instance, joining clubs helps the young broaden their social relationships, which is key to the ladder of success in later life. It is, however, impossible to provide almost all young people with access to tertiary education. Firstly, it has the possibility of wasting money in many developing countries. If most people are well-educated by the university, the government have to allocate their huge financial resources in building school places, while there are many aspects of life need to be invested in, such as infrastructures, pollution issues. Secondly, equipping people with higher education may increase the risk of imbalance in the workforce because these people are likely to choose high paying jobs. This leads in the absence of manual labours such as workers, plumbers. In conclusion, for many reasons I have mentioned above, I still hold my initial view that although making way for most people to follow further education has many benefits, it is not possible to happen.
It
is argued
that it is impossible and useless to offer tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for a tremendous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
Personally
, I partly disagree with this statement.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why having a university degree has a vital role in the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this knowledge-based society.
Firstly
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides students with more job opportunities in the
fiercely
competitive market, which leads to the reduction of the unemployment rate in the country.
In addition
to this, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the financial stability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their essential needs, the well-being of those
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Secondly
, the university
also
offers a dynamic environment to train the faculty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. During in period of pursuing
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more chances of enhancing their practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by participating in extracurricular activities such as communication, team-work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, joining clubs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
broaden their social relationships, which is key to the ladder of success in later life.

It is,
however
, impossible to provide almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with access to tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Firstly
, it has the possibility of wasting money in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. If most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are well-educated by the university, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
allocate their huge financial resources in building school places, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life need to
be invested
in, such as infrastructures, pollution issues.
Secondly
, equipping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
may increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of imbalance in the workforce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to choose high paying jobs. This leads in the absence of manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
such as workers, plumbers.

In conclusion
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons I have mentioned above, I
still
hold my initial view that although making way for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, it is not possible to happen.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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