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Some people say zoos are cruelty to wild animals, while others think they can only be protected there. to what extent do you agree?

Some people say zoos are cruelty to wild animals, while others think they can only be protected there. wO86e
Nowadays, zoos have been develop in every area in many countries. However, some people argue that zoos are cruelty to wild animals but for some other, they think zoos are the only place that can protected wild animals. From my point of view, I agree with some of this statement. In this essay, I will express my point of view about this topic in details. Firstly, some people argue that zoos are cruelty. I disagree in this statement because there are zoos that take really good care of wild animals not only for making money but also protecting them. Otherwise, it is undeniable to say that there are some illegal zoos that took animals from wild and put them in the cage just for money and let these animals slightly died in cage. From statistic, there are only 10 percent of illegal zoos which after police close these illegal zoos they will sent all animals to hospital and then they will sent them back to the jungle. In addition, some people attend to the protest to make voice for these poor animals. Protesters want government to making better law about protecting animals and people who open a new zoo illegally. Secondly, zoos not only feeding animals but they also protect animals from extinction because of people who hunting wild animals for fun. In fact, these animals not only making money for zoo but they also help researchers finding out more about animals. There are many research about animal behavior come out every year. For example, researchers do not need to go to Africa just to learn about tiger hunting behavior. To conclude, I disagree with the fact that zoos are cruelty to animals. There are many great zoos all over the worlds that protecting animals no matter what. And on top of that, zoos were the best place to hang out with your family. Zoos were the best place to learn about jungle system for students.
Nowadays, zoos have been
Consider using a past participle here: "developed".
develop
in every area in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that zoos are cruelty to wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
zoos are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
place that can protected wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of this statement. In this essay, I will express my point of view about this topic in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that zoos are cruelty. I disagree in this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are zoos that take
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for making money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
protecting them.
Otherwise
, it is undeniable to say that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illegal zoos that took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from wild and put them in the cage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in cage. From statistic, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
10
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "percents"?
percent
of illegal zoos which after police close these illegal zoos they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "send"
sent
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hospital and
then they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "send"
sent
them back to the jungle.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend to the protest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
voice for these poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Protesters want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
Did you mean "make"?
making
better law about protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who open a new zoo
illegally
.

Secondly
, zoos not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
feeding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hunting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for fun. In fact, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
making money for zoo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
researchers finding out more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun research seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much research", "a good deal of research".
many research
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
behavior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out every year.
For example
, researchers do not need to go to Africa
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to learn about tiger hunting behavior.

To conclude
, I
Consider using "disagree that".
disagree with the fact that
zoos are cruelty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great zoos all over the worlds that protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
no matter what. And
on top of that
, zoos were the best place to hang out with your family. Zoos were the best place to learn about jungle system for students.
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IELTS essay Some people say zoos are cruelty to wild animals, while others think they can only be protected there.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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