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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? 9LLVx
There are many people in the world who believe that, a huge money is the only parth to be happy in their life. In my essay, we will discuss that, how do person get happiness with the help of money and which are the other things makes them happy besides money. To begin with, wealth is the key factor in everyone's life. some believes that, without money it is difficult to survive in this world. Basically it is the essential part of our life. For example, In a single family, if their source of income become nil then everything will be collapsed, as it fulfill our routine requirements such as food, home appliances, monthly bills, education fees, medicines and so on. Thus how could we imagine without money. If actually, boost up our life to run smoothly. In addition, I would like to describe in one sentence that it is the part of our family needs which also enhance our life style. On other hand, people think that money cannot give a real happiness or fill the absence of any person in our family. For instance, if we imagine that, our family survive with many disease continusaly and in order to recover from it we have done a number of tretment and we succeed but it is countless process so family member can not enjoy their life despite you have money as there whole time spent in hospital. Therefore, the other things which I feel that, there are health, family bonding, friends also contribute to get a beautiful moment in our life which we cannot buy through money. In conclusion, Not only the money but there are other major things such as family, friends, health play a vital role to make people happy forever. and It is justify the statement that ''health is wealth''.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world who believe that, a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
parth
to be happy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my essay, we will discuss that, how do person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
happiness with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and which are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy
besides
money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, wealth is the key factor in everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
believes that, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
it is difficult to survive in this world.
Basically
it is the essential part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, In a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, if their source of income become nil then everything will
be collapsed
, as it fulfill our routine requirements such as food, home appliances, monthly bills, education fees, medicines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
how could we imagine without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If actually, boost up our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to run
smoothly
.
In addition
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
in one sentence that it is the part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
needs which
also
enhance our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.

On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot give a real happiness or
The usual prepositions to use after "fill" is 'with' not "the" Did you mean "fill the absence with"?
fill the absence of
any person in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For instance
, if we imagine that, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
survive with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disease
Possible spelling mistake found.
continusaly
and in order to recover from
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we have done a number of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tretment and
we succeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is countless process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member can not enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
despite you have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as there whole time spent in hospital.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things which I feel that, there are health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding, friends
also
contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
moment in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
through money.

In conclusion
, Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
major things such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, friends, health play a vital role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy forever.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
It is
Consider using a past participle here: "justified".
justify
the statement that ''health is wealth''.
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IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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