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In some countries, the criminal trials are shown on the TV and the general public can watch them. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, the criminal trials are shown on the TV and the general public can watch them. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? kYYG8
The process of the criminal courts are available on the TV, like programs and all the citizens can watch these programs in some of the countries. I believe that watching criminal trials on TV offers more benefits, than drawbacks. On the one hand, TV channels about crime courts appear to have some disadvantages. These programs are not categorized by taking into consideration of the age groups. In this case, children who are under 13 watch this kind of TV show, and they can consider that committing the crime or breaking the laws are the way of being well-known by all the people. For example, in the USA, a boy who is 11 years old attempted homicide in his school about 8 years ago, while asking the reason for this crime, his answer was fame. According to this example, it will be better to apply the criteria of age. Moreover, it can affect the victims or the victims’ families badly, when they see the murderer or culprit on the TV. They can live the same unpleasant accident again and again, and they can be depressed. Despite the above mentioned, I believe that the upsides of broadcasting the criminal trials on TV are far greater. Firstly, this type of broadcast can deter people to commit a crime. Since they face all the process happened while carrying out the crime. Secondly, it creates awareness of the harsh punishments. People should think about all the outcomes or punishments if they intend to break the law. Take, Iran, for example, there has a death penalty, a life sentence for a crime of rape, murder, terrorism. This tough punishment distracts the people from being against the law. In conclusion, although demonstrating the process of the court on TV has some drawbacks, however, its valuable benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
The process of the criminal courts are available on the TV, like programs and all the citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these programs in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
countries. I believe that watching criminal trials on TV offers more benefits, than drawbacks.

On the one hand, TV channels about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
courts appear to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. These programs are not categorized by
You have fused two expressions into one, "in consideration of" and "taking into consideration." Remove the word "of" from the end: "taking into consideration".
taking into consideration of
the age groups.
In this case
, children who are under 13
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
this kind of TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, and they can consider that committing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
or breaking the laws are the way of being well-known by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, in the USA, a boy who is 11 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
attempted homicide in his school about 8 years ago, while asking the reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, his answer was fame. According to this example, it will be better to apply the criteria of age.
Moreover
, it can affect the victims or the victims’ families
badly
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the murderer or culprit on the TV. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the same unpleasant accident again and again, and they can
be depressed
.

Despite the above mentioned, I believe that the upsides of broadcasting the criminal trials on TV are far greater.
Firstly
, this type of broadcast can deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
they face all the process happened while carrying out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Secondly
, it creates awareness of the harsh punishments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about all the outcomes or punishments if they intend to break the law. Take, Iran,
for example
, there has a death penalty, a life sentence for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
of rape, murder, terrorism. This tough punishment distracts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from being against the law.

In conclusion
, although demonstrating the process of the court on TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks,
however
, its valuable benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay In some countries, the criminal trials are shown on the TV and the general public can watch them. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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