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Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives. Do you agree?

Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives. Do you agree? gYN77
In the current generation, personality being judged through personal appearance, style and brand of clothing including the circle of friends. I absolutely disagree with this opinion as it could lead a bad impact and could damage one's life. Here's my point of view to this notion. Though there was a saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder however in some cases it cannot be enough. Physical appearance still matters and considered like for example in applying to work as a Reception, in the job post a face value is a must. So what is the impact of this to one person who has the knowledge to perform the job unfortunately do not have a beauty required. She will never get the job nor even considered to the position. Therefore, it will make the person feel depressed and surely lose her confidence. To conclude, gracefulness and charming are great quality and lucky you if you have it. However for others who are not fortunate to posses such kind of priviledget shouldn't betreated as loosers or unworthy everyone has a special kind and uniqueness and excellent skills that we can show case to the world.
In the
current
generation, personality
being judged
through personal appearance, style and brand of clothing including the circle of friends. I
absolutely
disagree with this opinion as it could lead a
bad
impact and could damage one's life. Here's my point of view to this notion.

Though there was a saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder
however
in
some
cases it cannot be
enough
. Physical appearance
still
matters and considered like
for example
in applying to work as a Reception, in the job post a face value is a
must
.
So
what is the impact of this to one person who has the knowledge to perform the job unfortunately do not have a beauty required. She will never
get
the job nor even considered to the position.
Therefore
, it will
make
the person feel depressed and
surely
lose her confidence.

To conclude
, gracefulness and charming are great quality and lucky you if you have it.
However
for others who are not fortunate to posses such kind of
priviledget
shouldn't
betreated
as
loosers
or unworthy everyone has a special kind and uniqueness and excellent
skills
that we can
show
case to the world.
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IELTS essay Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
196 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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