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Some people say the amount of time watching TV affects children’s behavior the most while others say that what they watch matters more. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say the amount of time watching TV affects children’s behavior the most while others say that what they watch matters more. v. 1
The number of tourists who are planning for the adventurous trips are nowadays increasing. Exploring challenging places like hot deserts and cold regions definitely has advantages, but also it could have drawbacks. This essay will further discuss both the sides of a thrilling vacation. The major benefits one could gain by visiting extreme condition areas are growing knowledge and gaining self confidence. Once a person will visit such dangerous regions, he will overcome fear and become confident to survive in normal circumstances. Moreover, visiting places personally will give practical experience that cannot be replaced even by reading books or watching it on the internet. For instance, the book can enable an individual to imagine, but living in such places will undoubtedly teach human memorable lessons, and make him brave. On the other hand, the circumstances could also be unfavourable at times of any health emergencies. Unfortunately, if someone falls sick due to lack of immunity, with no help available around, the health could only get worse. In addition to that, he will become the reason for causing inconvenience to the co-passengers. For example, I personally went on a trip to Kashmir, one of my friends fell ill, and all of us had to shorten the trip, and return back to home. The tickets that were pre-booked went useless, causing financial loss. In conclusion, visiting harsh environmental areas could be the reason for becoming knowledgeable and fearless. Travellers, should know their limitations and only challenge, according to their potential, or they might have to face the issues and cause discomfort to others.
The number of tourists who are planning for the adventurous trips are nowadays increasing. Exploring challenging places like hot deserts and
cold
regions definitely has advantages,
but
also
it could have drawbacks. This essay will
further
discuss both the sides of a thrilling vacation.

The major benefits one could gain by visiting extreme condition areas are growing knowledge and gaining
self confidence
. Once a person will visit such
dangerous
regions, he will overcome fear and become confident to survive in normal circumstances.
Moreover
, visiting places
personally
will give practical experience that cannot
be replaced
even by reading books or watching it on the internet.
For instance
, the book can enable an individual to imagine,
but
living in such places will
undoubtedly
teach human memorable lessons, and
make
him brave.

On the other hand
, the circumstances could
also
be
unfavourable
at times of any health emergencies. Unfortunately, if someone falls sick due to lack of immunity, with no
help
available around, the health could
only
get
worse.
In addition
to that, he will become the reason for causing inconvenience to the co-passengers.
For example
, I
personally
went on a trip to Kashmir, one of my friends fell ill, and all of us had to shorten the trip, and
return back
to home. The tickets that were pre-booked went useless, causing financial loss.

In conclusion
, visiting harsh environmental areas could be the reason for becoming knowledgeable and fearless.
Travellers
, should know their limitations and
only
challenge, according to their potential, or they might
have to
face the issues and cause discomfort to others.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the amount of time watching TV affects children’s behavior the most while others say that what they watch matters more. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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