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Some people say that we must send our parents to old age home when they reach 60. However other think that they must be taken care at home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that we must send our parents to old age home when they reach 60. However other think that they must be taken care at home. BJwKm
Elders are the backbone of entire family and support system for their children. A few individuals think that parents should be left at senior age home after the age of 60, whereas remaining believe that home is the best place to serve them. However, i believe that at this age of life they should not be left alone devoid of family members. Although, old age societies may entice elderly people as they get entertained round the clock. That is to say, myriad of recreational activities say yoga classes and devotional trips often rejuvinates their mind, body and soul. Moreover, company of fellow senior members allow them to share their thoughts of wisdom thereby making their lives more cherishable. For instance, single parent who have lost their spouse untimely can get good oppertunity to speak their heart out among others. But, if children keeps on sending parents to such places, then they can become irresponsible towards their duties and might start ignoring them in the need of the hour. However, home is the appropiate place to provide them with comfort and love. In other words, at the age of 60 one not only wants contended family life but also needs to spend rest of their lives with grand children. Indeed, this makes them live longer and disease free. To examplify, mortality rate of old people in day care homes is quite high compared to ones living with their families. Additionally, former also suffers from depression, homesickness thus are victim of untimely deaths. Therefore, ambience at home is a natural healer and young by heart thus multiplying their health and lives. Hence, i believe that parents should always be kept by our side through every phase of their lives. This not only makes them happy but also allow them to share their life experience with future generation thereby making them more efficient and responsible. In the light of what we have discussed above, it is justifiable to say that in order to cherish the company and boost the health of our grand parents and parents they should not be left at old age clubs. As it may trigger row of health issues. Although, they may feel entertained initially but in the long run elders usually feel lonely and might end up their lives in pain.
Elders are the backbone of entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and support system for their children. A few individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
at senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
home after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60, whereas remaining believe that home is the best place to serve them.
However
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of life they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone devoid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
societies may entice elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertained round the clock.
That is
to say, myriad of recreational activities say yoga classes and devotional trips
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake found.
rejuvinates
their mind, body and soul.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of fellow senior members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to share their thoughts of wisdom thereby making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
cherishable
.
For instance
, single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
who have lost their spouse
untimely
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppertunity
to speak their heart out among others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to such places, then they can become irresponsible towards their duties and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
ignoring them in the need of the hour.

However
, home is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
appropiate
place to provide them with comfort and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
In other words
, at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 one not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wants
"wants contended" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "contending" or "to be contended".
contended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
needs to spend rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with grand children.
Indeed
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer and disease free. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, mortality rate of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in day care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is quite high compared to
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
living with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Additionally
, former
also
suffers from depression, homesickness
thus
are victim of
untimely
deaths.
Therefore
, ambience at home is a natural healer and young by heart
thus
multiplying their health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Hence
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
by our side through every phase of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to share their life experience with future generation thereby making them more efficient and responsible.

In the light of what we have discussed above, it is justifiable to say that in order to cherish the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and boost the health of our grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
clubs.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it may trigger row of health issues. Although, they may feel entertained
initially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the long run elders
usually
feel lonely and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in pain.
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IELTS essay Some people say that we must send our parents to old age home when they reach 60. However other think that they must be taken care at home.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
383 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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