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Some people become famous in early ages. Is it good or bad discuss

Some people become famous in early ages. Is it good or bad discuss QLR3K
Nowadays it is easy to become well-known person. If they are young it is easier. So, we know that easy ways have difficult survive. And I would talk about its advantages and disadvantages being famous at early ages. Starting with advantages of being famous, we can mention about one of them, which is economical side. Plenty of famous people can earn more money than some businessman. Being famous at early ages is good for creating own business early. In this way, famous person can increase incomes of family badged. One of the other advantages is about charity. Because of earning much money this famous person can help poor people. For instance, who has not much money for paying education payment, some kind of operation and etc. If they do not do this kind of charity we cannot judge them. Because this is their own money and business. But helping to others is make them lovely person. In the other hand it has more disadvantages. For example, if you are famous this means a lot of people know you. So if you want to go shopping, restaurant, touristic places, meeting with friends or some activities paparazzi’s cameras will catch you. And it makes you fell bored, tired and confused. Because you cannot act like you want or free as other people. Associated to this, sometime famous people stop their working and trying to be forgotten. Also they decide to retiring. Sometime earning more money at early ages causes suicide. Early age people have not more life experiences. In this case they could make false steps about their life. Ordinarily they use their money in the bad ways for illegal things. They become narcotic and alcohol users. At the end they lose their health and popularity. As a bad result they lose their youth and life. One of the disadvantages is that they think that they can live without their family and the break all relationships between parents and siblings. They allow new ones to their life, but sometimes they choose false person which are money friendships. In conclusion, plethora of people think that famous people have comfort and painless life. And at the end of my essay I want add this: If you are famous at early ages, it is hard to survive
Nowadays it is easy to become well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they are young it is easier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we know that easy ways have difficult survive. And I would talk about its advantages and disadvantages being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
ages.

Starting with advantages of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
, we can
Did you mean simply "mention one"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mention about one
of them, which is economical side.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businessman. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for creating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can increase incomes of family badged.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
advantages is about charity.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of earning much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, who has not much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for paying education payment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of operation
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they do not do this kind of charity we cannot judge them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
helping to others is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them lovely person.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand it has more disadvantages.
For example
, if you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
this means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know you.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if you want to go shopping, restaurant, touristic places, meeting with friends or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities paparazzi’s cameras will catch you. And it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you fell bored, tired and confused.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
you cannot act like you want or free as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Associated to this, sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their working and trying to
be forgotten
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they decide to retiring.

Sometime earning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
causes suicide.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experiences.
In this case
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
false steps about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Ordinarily
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ways for illegal things. They become narcotic and alcohol users. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
they lose their health and popularity. As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
result they lose their youth and life.

One of the disadvantages is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without their family and the break all relationships between parents and siblings. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
new ones to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they choose false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
friendships.

In conclusion
, plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have comfort and painless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. And at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of my essay I want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
this: If you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
survive

IELTS essay Some people become famous in early ages. Is it good or bad discuss

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
381 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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