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Some people say that we can now see films on our phones or tablets and there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema.

It is often argued whether movies should be enjoyed in the theatres, or in the comfort of our homes through the use of modern technology. I completely agree that movies should be seen in theatres rather than on our phones or tablets. First of all, I believe that watching films on bigger screens are a lot better than watching it on smaller ones because you can better observe minute details on bigger screens. For instance, when you look through online reviews of the movie “Avengers”, people mostly suggest to watch the movie in a cinema rather than streaming it online for detail purposes. That’s why it is preferable to watch films on cinemas rather than on our mobiles. Secondly, the seats inside a movie house are designed to be situated at a safe distance to avoid damaging your eyes compared to using your phones and tablets where you tend to bring the devices closer to your eyes. The seats inside the cinema are engineered so that you can see the entire screen without having to worry about the amount of radiation you are taking in. For example, the front row seats in cinemas have a distance of 2 meters away from the screen whereas the average distance of a person watching a film using a phone or tablet is 0. 5 meters. So going to cinemas is safer four your eyesight than streaming a movie online. In conclusion, taking an extra effort to enjoy a film inside a cinema is more beneficial than watching it on handy screens because it makes paying attention to finer details easy and it is less harmful for our eyesight.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should
be enjoyed
in the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatres’ is British English.
theatres
, or in the comfort of our homes through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern technology. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatres’ is British English.
theatres
rather
than on our phones or tablets.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, I believe that watching films on bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
are a lot better than watching it on smaller ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can better observe minute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
on bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
.
For instance
, when you look through online reviews of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
“Avengers”,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mostly
suggest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
rather
than streaming it online for detail purposes. That’s why it is preferable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
rather
than on our mobiles.

Secondly
, the seats inside a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
are designed
to
be situated
at a safe distance to avoid damaging your eyes compared to using your phones and tablets where you tend to bring the devices closer to your eyes. The seats inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
are engineered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
without having to worry about the amount of radiation you are taking in.
For example
, the front row seats in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
have a distance of 2 meters away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
whereas the average distance of a person watching a film using a phone or tablet is 0. 5 meters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
is safer four your eyesight than streaming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
online.

In conclusion
, taking an extra effort to enjoy a film inside a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is more beneficial than watching it on handy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
paying attention to finer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easy and
it is less harmful for our eyesight.
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IELTS essay Some people say that we can now see films on our phones or tablets and there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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