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Some people say that there is less communication between family members today than there was in the past

Some people say that there is less communication between family members today than there was in the past n6xJE
They spend valuable time on the use of electronic devices such as telephones, laptops, television, games like PS4 and so on, also activities on social media has also forced people to be addicted and confined people to their homes, thereby reducing verbal communication with families and this also limit their visitation
They spend valuable time on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic devices such as telephones, laptops, television, games like PS4 and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
also
activities on social media has
also
forced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
be addicted
and confined
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to their homes, thereby reducing verbal communication with families and this
also
limit their visitation

IELTS essay Some people say that there is less communication between family members today than there was in the past

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
50 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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