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Briefly summarize the woman’s problem. Then state which solution you would recommend and explain the reasons for your recommendation. v.2

Briefly summarize the woman’s problem. Then state which solution you would recommend and explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 2
Education and work are both the building blocks of an individual’s life. Some countries persuade young people to do jobs and travel for some span of time in between high school and university studies. This essay will discuss the advantages and drawback of this combination. On one hand, there are numerous benefits of having exposure to work before joining the university. First and foremost, they become intellectually strong to understand which field they would like to pursue for further education. For example, mathematics would be the most loved subject during school days but probably after working in an accounting firm, they conclude that daily doing debit and credit is no fun and in fact boring and uninteresting. Another big advantage is that they can sponsor their own future education without being dependent on parents and family. On the other hand, working before completing complete education can have an adverse effect on an individual. For instance, a person can get addicted to the world of money so much that they decide to revoke the decision of studying further. Also, not to forget, money shapes the mindset of a human being. Earning at an early adolescence age can add to the feeling of unwanted supremacy as you are no longer bounded or dependent on anyone or anything. To sum up, the mixture of office and university has several pros and cons. A youth can weigh these merits and demerits carefully and wisely and then decide their preference. One must be confident while making this decision as its effect has a direct impact on their future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and work are both the building blocks of an individual’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries persuade young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do jobs and travel for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
span of time in between high school and university studies. This essay will discuss the advantages and drawback of this combination.

On one hand, there are numerous benefits of having exposure to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the university.
First
and foremost, they become
intellectually
strong to understand which field they would like to pursue for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, mathematics would be the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
subject during school days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
probably
after working in an accounting firm, they conclude that daily doing debit and credit is no fun and in fact boring and uninteresting. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
advantage is that they can sponsor their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
without being dependent on parents and family.

On the other hand
, working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
completing complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can have an adverse effect on an individual.
For instance
, a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to the world of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that they decide to revoke the decision of studying
further
.
Also
, not to forget, money shapes the mindset of a human being. Earning at an early adolescence age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the feeling of unwanted supremacy as you are no longer bounded or dependent on anyone or anything.

To sum up, the mixture of office and university has several pros and cons. A youth can weigh these merits and demerits
carefully
and
wisely
and then decide their preference. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be confident while making this decision as its effect has a direct impact on their future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Briefly summarize the woman’s problem. Then state which solution you would recommend and explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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