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Some people say that the best way to improve the overall general health of the public is to offer more sports facilities. Others say that this would have little effect and that other measures are necessary to improve public health. Discuss both views.

Some people say that the best way to improve the overall general health of the public is to offer more sports facilities. Others say that this would have little effect and that other measures are necessary to improve public health. 5GAB
Some people would argue that the most effective way for being healthy is by offering them sports facilities. However, others think that this does not have a significant contribution in improving peoples’ health, rather other factors like eating habits and sleep cycles are also to be considered. Firstly, sports clubs provide an excellent environment which improves overall health. These possess a variety of games that require physical effort which is proven to not only improve stamina but also stimulate cardiovascular muscles which prevent people from various illnesses. For example, as per the reports of the World Health Organisation, the citizens of Finland are the healthiest on the globe. They have the least number of people with heart-related diseases and this was achieved by implementing mandatory rules for offices and schools to harness sports stadiums within the premises and promote at least one outdoor game for their employees and students. Apart from sports infrastructure, other factors such as a nutritious diet and proper rest at night play an important role in improving public health. According to some, there are many people who do not participate in any sport but still are among the healthy due to the quality of food intake and sleep routines. For instance, despite Indians actively participate in various sports and physical activities, many suffer from various illnesses. As per the statistics by Indian Health Ministry, 70% of the youngsters are victims of malnutrition and most of the adults suffer from mental stress making them weak and vulnerable to many diseases. In conclusion, while some consider sports facilities as a means for developing their health, others believe that other means such as nutritious food and sleep routine play a significant role in promoting overall well-being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that the most effective way for being healthy is by offering them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this does not have a significant contribution in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors like eating habits and sleep cycles are
also
to
be considered
.

Firstly
,
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sports
clubs provide an excellent environment which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. These possess a variety of games that require physical effort which
is proven
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
stamina
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
stimulate cardiovascular muscles which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various illnesses.
For example
, as per the reports of the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
, the citizens of Finland are the healthiest on the globe. They have the least number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with heart-related diseases and this
was achieved
by implementing mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for offices and schools to harness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stadiums within the premises and promote at least one outdoor game for their employees and students.

Apart from
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sports
infrastructure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as a nutritious diet and proper rest at night play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in improving public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not participate in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
are among the healthy due to the quality of food intake and sleep routines.
For instance
, despite Indians
actively
participate in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and physical activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
suffer from various illnesses. As per the statistics by Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Ministry, 70% of the youngsters are victims of malnutrition and most of the adults suffer from mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
making them weak and vulnerable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities as a means for developing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means such as nutritious food and sleep routine play a significant role in promoting
overall
well-being.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve the overall general health of the public is to offer more sports facilities. Others say that this would have little effect and that other measures are necessary to improve public health.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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