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Prevention is better than cure. Researching and treating diseases is too costly. So it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

Prevention is better than cure. Researching and treating diseases is too costly. So it would be better to invest in preventative measures. 8PQG
It is believed that investing in prevention by government would be much less expensive than investment in treatment. Since cures need chemical medicines and hospital equipment beside this fact that prevention ways are normally effect the whole wellness than just a focused part of wellbeing. This essay is going to completely agree with this idea. Though many diseases could be easy-cured or completely cured if people were more aware and took action for healthier life but when it comes to diseases every society needs proper hospital equipment, medicines and experienced doctors specially, when a country has to purchase them from another county would cost too much than when a government invests its clinical and medical science on making people aware of their bodies and disease prevention actions. For example in Japan media plays an important role to encourage people to eat healthy food and drinks like green tea or putting less red meat in meals. So that having more aware and careful citizens would help government to bear less expenses. Also prevention ways can be done by simple ways such as regular exercises, eating healthy meals and being away from unhealthy mind and if a person puts one of these ways in his routine life it will have great influence on his whole wellness. When someone does routine exercises, it contributes his both mental wellness and body wellness. Even if eating healthy has not been a routine in his life. For example in a research carried out, people who have had sport routines in their young age were more energetic and healthier in their fifties than people who have not had these kind of routines; rate of blood pressure and heart attack and even depression was significantly less than second group. To summarize, investment in prevention by political sectors is far less expensive than their investment in hospitally actions. Since reaching to quality tools and medical equipment are costly and prevention ways would maintain all parts of wellbeing than one part. So it is very smart way to prevent than finding ways to better cure.
It
is believed
that investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would be much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
expensive than investment in treatment. Since cures need chemical medicines and hospital equipment beside this fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
are
normally
Consider using a past participle here: "effected".
effect
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wellness
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a focused part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
. This essay is going to completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases could be easy-cured or completely cured if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were more aware and took action for healthier life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to diseases every society needs proper hospital equipment, medicines and experienced doctors
specially
, when a country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
them from another county would cost too much than when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
invests its clinical and medical science on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of their bodies and disease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
actions.
For example
in Japan media plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat healthy food and drinks like green tea or putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
red meat in meals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that having more aware and careful citizens would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to bear
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun expenses is countable.
less
expenses.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
can
be done
by simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
such as regular exercises, eating healthy meals and being away from unhealthy mind and if a person puts one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
life it will have great influence on his whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wellness
. When someone does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
exercises, it contributes his both mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wellness
and body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wellness
.
“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
eating healthy has not been a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routine
in his life.
For example
in
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have had sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routines
in their young age were more energetic and healthier in their fifties than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have not had
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
routines
; rate of blood pressure and heart attack and even depression was
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than second group.

To summarize
, investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
by political sectors is far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
expensive than their investment in
Possible spelling mistake found.
hospitally
actions. Since reaching to quality tools and medical equipment are costly and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
would maintain all parts of
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
than one part.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
than finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to better cure.
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IELTS essay Prevention is better than cure. Researching and treating diseases is too costly. So it would be better to invest in preventative measures.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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