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Some people say that television is a very useful tool for education.others argues that television is an overused and ineffective teacher.which opinion do you support and why?

Some people say that television is a very useful tool for education. others argues that television is an overused and ineffective teacher. which opinion do you support and why? 3aoQn
Due to the advancement of technology television has been making a source of pleasure. Some masses opine that this screen has positive impact in the field of education while others believe it is a addiction and have insignificant influence. I will discuss both arguments and give my opinion in subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, television developed a interest for getting knowledge of new things by watching learning episodes which are entertaining as well. To explain it, if children watched a science fiction movies and series it enhance their ideas for space they can easily choose their field of career by analysing their focus. Apart from this, every age people learn different languages accent through observing international channels by they can get chance to know about their traditions and removed the cultural barriers. For instance, International language communication committee revealed that 65% learn various linguistic skills by television. Thus, it have significant effects to experience and abilities. Every coin has two sides, Consequently technology of entertainment have also inferior impacts. First and foremost, it influenced to the juveniles and they try to do same thing which they watched on T. V like violence and sex. Moreover, over watching distract them from their right paths and they involved themselves in crimes or torture their families to fulfilled their needs even if they denied child committed suicides and do wrong with parents. While, screen also effects to the health as person continuously sit on chairs it make them couch potatoes as well as their brains have been stop working. For example, WHO (World Health Organisation) conducted a survey in 2019 and revealed that 75% mankind who always remained at their homes and watching televisions faced enormous health concerns. As a result, this put detrimental effects to their mind as well a body. In conclusion, i would say that it’s only depends upon the person to person how and on what limits they seem the screen. However, it should necessary for the authority to stop show sensitive scenes in episodes which encouraged every age people to commit crimes.
Due to the advancement of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has been making a source of pleasure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
masses opine that this screen has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in the field of education while others believe it is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
addiction and have insignificant influence. I will discuss both arguments and give my opinion in subsequent paragraphs.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
developed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
interest for getting knowledge of new things by watching learning episodes which are entertaining
as well
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, if children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a science fiction movies and series it
Did you mean "enhances"?
enhance
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for space they can
easily
choose their field of career by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
their focus. Apart from this, every age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages accent through observing international channels by they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to know about their traditions and removed the cultural barriers.
For instance
, International language communication committee revealed that 65% learn various linguistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Thus
, it
Did you mean "has"?
have
significant effects to experience and abilities.

Every coin has two sides,
Consequently
technology of entertainment have
also
inferior impacts.
First
and foremost, it influenced to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
juveniles and
they try to do same thing which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
on T. V like violence and sex.
Moreover
, over watching distract them from their right
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
paths and
they involved themselves in crimes or torture their families to fulfilled their needs even if they denied child committed suicides and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with parents. While, screen
also
effects to the health as person
continuously
sit on chairs it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
them couch potatoes
as well
as their brains have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working.
For example
, WHO (World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
) conducted a survey in 2019 and revealed that 75% mankind who always remained at their homes and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
faced enormous health concerns.
As a result
, this put detrimental effects to their mind
as well
a body.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would say that it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depends upon the person to person how and on what limits they seem the screen.
However
, it
The word 'necessary' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
should necessary
for the authority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
sensitive scenes in episodes which encouraged every age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to commit crimes.
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IELTS essay Some people say that television is a very useful tool for education. others argues that television is an overused and ineffective teacher. which opinion do you support and why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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