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Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined.

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. gbyXO
On the one hand, I agree that young people should work part-time and earn money if they want. Firstly, when they have opportunities to work part-time, teenagers have more valuable experiences. For instance, they can learn basic lessons about soft skills. Especially, they will have more self-confidence who can control their own lives. Likewise, independence helps them raise awareness and support to help them be successful in future. Indeed, they know how to value money, how to save money, how to spend? And some relationships help improve communication skills.
On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should work part-time and earn money if they want.
Firstly
, when they have opportunities to work part-time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have more valuable experiences.
For instance
, they can learn basic lessons about soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Especially
, they will have more self-confidence who can control their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Likewise
, independence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them raise awareness and support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them be successful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Indeed
, they know how to value money, how to save money, how to spend? And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relationships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

IELTS essay Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
89 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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