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Some people say that spending money on refurbishing old monuments is a wastage of money by the government. To what extent do u agree or disagree?

Some people say that spending money on refurbishing old monuments is a wastage of money by the government. GN0ej
Few masses believe that legal bodies are squandering money by spending on the renovation of antique buildings. I largely agree with this notion due to lower medical facilities and illiteracy rates. In upcoming paragraph, I will discuss my viewpoints along with relevant examples. Commencing with the view of disagreement is that many nations earn alot of money because of historical buildings. To explicate it, many people worldwide are fond of antique things and these historical buildings attracts them owing to which people travel from different countries to see and it increases the economy of that nations. As a result, it is the source of income Shifting towards the views of disagreement is the lack of medical amenities provided by government to public. To elaborate it, there are many under developing countries where proper treatment is not provided to the patients because of this mortality rates are too high in these nations. According to the reports of World Health Organisation, approximately 20% of individuals in every under developing countries died each year who suffer from chronic diseases. Consequently, authorities should spend money on these important things. Another pivotal reason behind this notion is the illiteracy rates. In other words, many people in not developed countries cannot able to provide free education to their offsprings because of poverty. To epitome, a survey was conducted my Harvard University in 2017, found that almost 10% of juveniles do not get a chance for education. Hences, administration should invest their money on education to improve their literacy rates. To encapsulate, I would like to pen down by saying although historical monuments are pride of the nation and it should be renovate, yet I believe that educational and medical facilities are the most imperative things and government must spent money on these.
Few masses believe that legal bodies are squandering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by spending on the renovation of antique buildings. I
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion due to lower medical facilities and illiteracy rates. In upcoming paragraph, I will discuss my viewpoints along with relevant examples.

Commencing with the view of disagreement is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
earn
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of historical buildings. To explicate it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worldwide are fond of antique things and these historical buildings attracts them owing to which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and it increases the economy of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
As a result
, it is the source of income

Shifting towards the views of disagreement is the lack of medical amenities provided by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to public. To elaborate it, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
under developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where proper treatment is not provided to the patients
because of this
mortality rates are too high in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. According to the reports of World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
, approximately 20% of individuals in every under developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
each year who suffer from chronic diseases.
Consequently
, authorities should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.

Another pivotal reason behind this notion is the illiteracy rates.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in not developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Did you mean "cannot be able"?
cannot able
to provide free education to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty. To epitome, a survey
was conducted
my Harvard University in 2017, found that almost 10% of juveniles do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance for education.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hences
, administration should invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on education to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their literacy rates.

To encapsulate, I would like to pen down by saying although historical monuments are pride of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and it should be
Consider using the past participle "renovated"?
renovate
,
yet
I believe that educational and medical facilities are the most imperative things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on these.
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IELTS essay Some people say that spending money on refurbishing old monuments is a wastage of money by the government.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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