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Some people say that self-esteem employment is better than working for a company or institution. Discuss both point of view. What is your opinion. v.1

Some people say that self-esteem employment is better than working for a company or institution. What is your opinion. v. 1
There is no iota of doubt that, many individuals prefer to utilise express cards, debit cards for daily transactions instead of paper notes, coin currency. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to People However, sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to some. The following paragraphs would shed light on Pros and cons of cashless transactions. To commence with the first notion that, the plastic money is easy and convenient to use for purchasing the goods from shopping malls and online. Additionally, the debit cards and credit cards have a terms and conditions for using it. Like as: masses can enjoy discounts on shopping while pay the amount of money in terms of credit cards. In addition to, there is fear of robbery whenever a person has a paper money at their place. Where as, the cards provide better safety as well as security due to sometime our card is misplace people can be suddenly complaint to bank for block their debit or credit card. On the flip side of a coin, there are some nasty consequences as well because in many places this type of transactions cannot take place. Firstly, the small shopkeepers and vegetable vendors did not have a swipe machine for payments. Secondly, in some countryside area sellers did not accept cards because they are not well educated. So, the proper knowledge is required for using the express cards everyone cannot know about the use of A. T. M Machine and swipe machine. Last but not the least, some problems people face daily like as fraud cases on net banking transactions. In conclusion, I personally believe that this trend will not useful for all sections of the Community Although, many folks are not aware about to use the electronic transactions However, the efforts should be made by government to minimise the robbery and fraud cases. So, people can be enjoying their life.
There is no iota of doubt that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals prefer to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
express
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
, debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
for daily transactions
instead
of paper notes, coin currency. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. The following paragraphs would shed light on Pros and cons of cashless transactions.

To commence with the
first
notion that, the plastic money is easy and convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for purchasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from shopping malls and online.
Additionally
, the debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
have a terms and conditions for using it. Like as: masses can enjoy discounts on shopping while pay the amount of money in terms of credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
.
In addition
to, there is fear of robbery whenever a person has
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "paper money".
a paper money
at their place.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
provide better safety
as well
as security due to sometime our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
is misplace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
suddenly
complaint to bank for block their debit or credit card.

On the flip side of a coin, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nasty consequences
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places this type of transactions cannot take place.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shopkeepers and vegetable vendors did not have a swipe machine for payments.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countryside area sellers did not accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the proper knowledge
is required
for using the express
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
everyone cannot know about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of A. T. M Machine and swipe machine. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face daily like as fraud cases on net banking transactions.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that this trend will not useful for all sections of the Community Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
folks are not aware about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the electronic transactions
However
, the efforts should
be made
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the robbery and fraud cases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be enjoying their life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that self-esteem employment is better than working for a company or institution. What is your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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