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Nowadays more task at home and work me being performed by robots. Why do you think happening is it a positive or negative development v.1

Nowadays more task at home and work me being performed by robots. Why do you think happening is it a positive or negative development v. 1
It is irrefutable that the physical condition of people is rapidly deteriorating and it conditions will become worse in the coming future. I completely agree with this statement because individual's lifestyle is degrading and quality of medical facilities is decreasing. The overall quality of city life has drastically dipped due to various factors and is expected to go down further in coming future. Owing to the increasing rates of pollutions, especially in metropolitan cities, the health is having perilous effect, and consequently, the mortality rates have gone up. Additionally, higher working hours due to rise in cutthroat competition, physical fitness of people have detrimentally affected and will continue to degrade and worsen the situation. A recent research conducted in North America, studied the data of the past twenty years of degrading city life and have predicted for a worse situation. As doctors are becoming more concerned about their personal profits, rather than the health of their patients, the conditions of health aids are expected to go out of hands further. Following the current trend, the doctor would expect for more health issues than solving them because it would potentially pour more money for them. For instance, a news showed that a physician in Greece, was treating his patients with the wrong prescription as he wanted to make big money from them by repeatedly treating the same patient. In conclusion, I agree that the average quality of people's health is degrading and is expected to decrease more because pollution and high work pressure has negatively affected the lives of people. Furthermore, the doctors are not responsible enough and have grown money minded.
It is irrefutable that the physical condition of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
rapidly
deteriorating and it conditions will become worse in the coming future. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individual's lifestyle is degrading and quality of medical facilities is decreasing.

The
overall
quality of city life has
drastically
dipped due to various factors and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to go down
further
in coming future. Owing to the increasing rates of pollutions,
especially
in metropolitan cities, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is having perilous effect, and
consequently
, the mortality rates have gone up.
Additionally
, higher working hours due to rise in cutthroat competition, physical fitness of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
detrimentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and will continue to degrade and worsen the situation. A recent research conducted in North America, studied the data of the past twenty years of degrading city life and have predicted for a worse situation.

As doctors are becoming more concerned about their personal profits,
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of their patients, the conditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
aids are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to go out of hands
further
. Following the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend, the doctor would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues than solving them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
potentially
pour more money for them.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "news".
a news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that a physician in Greece, was treating his patients with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
prescription as he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
money from them by
repeatedly
treating the same patient.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the average quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is degrading and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to decrease more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
pollution and high work pressure has
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, the doctors are not responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and have grown money minded.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Nowadays more task at home and work me being performed by robots. Why do you think happening is it a positive or negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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