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Some people believe that companies should hire young people. Others say that older experienced staff should be hired. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that companies should hire young people. Others say that older experienced staff should be hired. v. 2
The advent of the internet has enabled online platforms for business conclaves, which currently corporations are commonly using for company meetings and training. This essay will highlight both the positives and the negatives of this trend and give reasons why I believe that the merits of it outweigh the demerits. To begin with the negatives, one of the drawbacks of virtual training is that it is highly relied on the internet connection. This means that if all the attendees in the training session does not have a strong network connection, this might interrupt the whole session. As a result, people might find it difficult to understand the subject completely. Conversely, with the help of 4g and 5g internet speed, the problem of web connectivity has been mitigated to a great extent. Another disadvantage is that this might leak confidential information about the company. This is because work related meetings often hold discussion on confidential matters; thereby, leaving online meetings vulnerable to information theft. Talking about the positives, the most obvious benefit is that virtual meetings are time-saving. This means that the time consumed in travelling to office can be saved as people would just need to open their laptops in their respective places and with the help of the net they can connect with each other. Secondly, with the benefit of accessibility from any place, the meeting can be attended by a person from any part of the world. For instance, if an employee is on a leave and there is an urgent business discussion is required, the person can join the meeting online. In conclusion, although conducting business gatherings and training online are dependent on the web connectivity and pose a threat to confidential information, in my view, the efficiency and accessibility it provides should be considered.
The advent of the internet has enabled online platforms for business conclaves, which
currently
corporations are
commonly
using for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. This essay will highlight both the positives and the negatives of this trend and give reasons why I believe that the merits of it outweigh the demerits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the negatives, one of the drawbacks of virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is that it is
highly
relied on the internet connection. This means that if all the attendees in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
session does not have a strong network connection, this might interrupt the whole session.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might find it difficult to understand the subject completely.
Conversely
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of 4g and 5g internet speed, the problem of web connectivity has
been mitigated
to a great extent. Another disadvantage is that this might leak confidential information about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
work related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hold discussion on confidential matters; thereby, leaving online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
vulnerable to information theft.

Talking about the positives, the most obvious benefit is that virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
are time-saving. This means that the time consumed in travelling to office can
be saved
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to open their laptops in their respective places and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the net they can connect with each other.
Secondly
, with the benefit of accessibility from any place, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
can
be attended
by a person from any part of the world.
For instance
, if an employee is on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and there is an urgent business discussion
is required
, the person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
online.

In conclusion
, although conducting business gatherings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
online are dependent on the web connectivity and pose a threat to confidential information, in my view, the efficiency and accessibility it provides should
be considered
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that companies should hire young people. Others say that older experienced staff should be hired. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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