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Some people say that schools have a social responsibility for children not to eat junk food. Others say that parents should take such responsibilities .

Some people say that schools have a social responsibility for children not to eat junk food. Others say that parents should take such responsibilities. Prrqw
While some people believe that schools are liable for pupils not consuming fast food, others argue that this is a parental due to be responsible. I completely agree with this statement. On the one hand side, schools are responsible for not only education of children, but also proving nourishment meals in lieu life threating ones (as pizza, noodles, fries, chips, ect. ) which may cause to obesity or heath problems. In fact, massive amount of school children prefer to satiate their hunger by fried staff or sugary sweets without knowing the bad consequences because of their misleading taste buds, however, schools have to be tend to endorse to consume necessary nutrient since children can save internal ration. A good example is that canteen at school premises should be liable for limiting the number of junk food, also, meals have to be provided non ignorant for the sake of children safety. In this case, pupils beware from obesity disease such as cardiovascular and keep healthy life style. On the another hand side, there is a pretty special parental attention on children diet from junk food. Obviously, parents are a good role of model for their kids, besides, they are aware of the rate of childhood obesity is much larger to comparison with the past. As a result of overindulge, kids may suffer from obesity and child abuse at school. If parents limit to intake fast foods, their kids will keep internal health and be in a good shape. To sum up, growing concerns relating to obesity and disease will be decreased, If parents pay more attention to children, so do schools
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are liable for pupils not consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, others argue that this is a parental due to be responsible. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

On the one hand side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are responsible for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
proving nourishment meals in lieu life
Possible spelling mistake found.
threating
ones (as pizza, noodles, fries, chips,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ect
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
which may cause to obesity or heath problems. In fact, massive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to satiate their hunger by fried staff or sugary sweets without knowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their misleading taste buds,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to endorse to consume necessary nutrient since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can save internal ration. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is that canteen at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
premises should be liable for limiting the number of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
also
, meals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be provided
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non ignorant
for the sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
safety.
In this case
, pupils
Did you mean: "beware of"?
beware from
obesity disease such as cardiovascular and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy life style.

On the another hand side, there is a pretty special parental attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
diet from junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Obviously
, parents are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role of model for their kids,
besides
, they are aware of the rate of childhood obesity is much larger to comparison with the past.
As a result
of overindulge, kids may suffer from obesity and child abuse at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If parents limit to intake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, their kids will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
internal health and be in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape.

To sum up, growing concerns relating to obesity and disease will
be decreased
, If parents pay more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
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IELTS essay Some people say that schools have a social responsibility for children not to eat junk food. Others say that parents should take such responsibilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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