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some people say that professional workers such as doctors nurses and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. do you agree or disagree

some people say that professional workers such as doctors nurses and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. Bjo9
It is true that nowadays people give more importance to sports and film stars, while people want to give more contribution to doctors or professional workers but they don't give more importance to them. In this essay, I describe about that in our life importance about professional workers and entertainers. First and foremost reason, in the public sector who is the professional workers as doctors and teachers have the major role in our life. This indicates that without them our life is inappropriate. In addition doctor is the one who gave their whole life to help the humans in emergency, and eventually it take care also. They must completed their whole study and training to enhance their knowledge as well as experience. After completion of the studies they are dedicated to nation, for instance to help in government and private private health care. Moreover, the teachers also prefer in their role and drive the education where they serve their whole life to educate the people and make them success. Where the children are under the construction and the teacher are builders. For example some teachers can handle the class as well as private tuition also. On the other hand, where is for the entertainment sports person and future stars cannot perform good role and compared to professional workers they don't dedicated the life to nation, while they tend to show their willingness and appreciation, but not from their heart. Although, they don't even make any significant contribution to their own nation. In addition most of the superstars can gain the benefits from sponsorship that uses them and even some of the brand ambassadors, due to that they receive royalty also. For example "Virat Kohli" is a brand ambassador of Puma. On the points mentioned above, I critic that we want to give much importance to professional workers who serve their life in any situation, but it depends on the people who they want to gave more.
It is true that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
to sports and film stars, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more contribution to doctors or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
to them. In this essay, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
about that in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and entertainers.
First
and foremost reason, in the public sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
as doctors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have the major role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This indicates that without them our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is inappropriate. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
doctor is the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
gave their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the humans in emergency, and
eventually
it
Did you mean "takes"?
take
care
also
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
completed their whole study and training to enhance their knowledge
as well
as experience. After completion of the studies they
are dedicated
to nation,
for instance
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
Possible typo: you repeated a word
private private
health care.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
also
prefer in their role and drive the education where they serve their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them success. Where the children are under the construction and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
are builders.
For example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can handle the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as well
as private tuition
also
.
On the other hand
, where is for the entertainment sports person and future stars cannot perform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role and compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
they don't dedicated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to nation, while they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their willingness and appreciation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not from their heart.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, they don't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any significant contribution to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
most of the superstars can gain the benefits from sponsorship that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
them and even
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
brand ambassadors, due to that they receive royalty
also
.
For example
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is a brand ambassador of Puma. On the points mentioned above,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I critic
that we want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
serve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in any situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they want to
Did you mean "give"?
gave
more.
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IELTS essay some people say that professional workers such as doctors nurses and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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