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Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse should be paid more than celebs do you agree or disagree

Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse should be paid more than celebs pXyp3
It has been considered by number of individuals that doctors, nurse and teacher should be paid more. while, other opine that high income should be given to entertainment and sports personality. the following essay intends the reason why I agree with latter statement in upcoming paragraph. To begin with, there are multifarious reason why the contribution of working in sports and entertainment no less than tutor and professionals entertainment because they provide entertainment and motivate. they become a role model of young ones. people want to participate more in these field. For instance, now what is in Olympic games, India performed very well. They win gold medal, Bronze medal in Olympic which motivate other people that they work hard and serve the nation. secondly, this actor face a lot of competition and work hard to be successful in their career. their job are physically and mentally demanding. they have to follow strict diet and exercise to stay in shape. Probing further, showbiz sacrifice their personal life. they cannot enjoy the life like normal person. they always have eagle eyes on him. sometime they face controversies which would destroy their career and people was started judging them. some news are fake about them. More than that, doctors and nurses get there pay on time. government gave them bonus, regular pay and also have a retirement plan but on the other hand showbiz there career is not permanent. they loose their popularity at any time and government does not provide any security to him. For example, many sports person retired from the field and they serve their nation and now become food seller so they can fulfill their daily needs. To conclude, it can be analysed from the above discussion their are abudent of benefits to pay more money to the people who work in sports and entertainment world.
It has
been considered
by number of individuals that doctors, nurse and teacher should
be paid
more.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, other opine that high income should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personality.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
following essay intends the reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with latter statement in upcoming paragraph. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are multifarious reason why the contribution of working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and entertainment no less than tutor and professionals entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide entertainment and motivate.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
become a role model of young ones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
want to participate more in these field.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
what is in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
, India performed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. They win gold medal, Bronze medal in Olympic which motivate other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and serve the nation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, this actor face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
competition and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to be successful in their career.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
their
job
You should probably use "is".
are
physically
and mentally demanding.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow strict diet and exercise to stay in shape. Probing
further
, showbiz sacrifice their personal life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
cannot enjoy the life like normal person.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
always have eagle eyes on him.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
sometime
they face controversies which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
judging them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
news are fake about them. More than that, doctors and nurses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
there pay on time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
government
gave them bonus, regular pay and
also
have a retirement plan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
showbiz there career is not permanent.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their popularity at any time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not provide any security to him.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person retired from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
field and
they serve their nation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become food seller
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can fulfill their daily needs.
To conclude
, it can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
from the above discussion
Did you mean "there"?
their
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
abudent
of benefits to pay more money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and entertainment world.
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With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse should be paid more than celebs

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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