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some people say that plying sports helps to prepare children for their future work, while others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

some people say that plying sports helps to prepare children for their future work, while others disagree. 7m0n
According to some, group sports make children ready for the future work environment. Although there are few circumstances where teamwork will not benefit as for freelancers and for those who had a bad experience while working with a team, I am of the opinion that there are significant positive aspects of group sport such as learning to face conflict and adjusting with teams. Admittedly, there are some situation in which team sport will not be beneficial for a future career. First of all, being a freelancer. These are people who work alone from there home and their interaction with people for work is very limited. Therefore, the skill of teamwork will rarely be used by freelancers so it does not matter if they were a part of group sport or individual sport as a child. Secondly, sometimes children suffer from a bad experience related with teammates which make them dislike group activities. It can be a brutal fight between team players or a time when they got bullied from someone in their team. For example, children receiving harsh comments from their teammates are more likely to play individual games and even avoid to be in a team as an employee in future However, there are major benefits for children playing sports with a team. Firstly, children will learn to interact with everyone in a team. They will be dealing with all kind of children in the team and will learn how to communicate properly and to use group strength to achieve their mutual goal. For instance. employees who were good at group sports in childhood are more likely to be a top performer in a professional work team as well. Another equally important advantage is that children will learn to deal with conflicts. Every person has its own point of view and way of thinking which results in conflicts among team players. Children learn how to positively accept others opinion and to convince them for their own idea. This proves to be an essential skill required for an employee to work in a team. In conclusion, While there are rare circumstances where children team skills acquired by group sports are not required as for a self-employed who is working alone and for someone reluctant on joining a team, I believe children involved in team sports will help in future work as they will be more understanding regarding different opinions and effective communication.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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children
ready for the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment. Although there are few circumstances where teamwork will not benefit as for freelancers and for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
experience while working with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, I am of the opinion that there are significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
such as learning to face conflict and adjusting with teams.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "situations"?
situation
in which
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team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
will not be beneficial for a future career.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, being a freelancer. These are
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people
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who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
alone from there home and their interaction with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for
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work
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of teamwork will rarely be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by freelancers
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so
it does not matter if they were a part of
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group
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sport
or individual
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sport
as a child.
Secondly
,
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sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
experience related with teammates which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them dislike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities. It can be a brutal fight between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
players or a time when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
bullied from someone in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
For example
,
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children
receiving harsh comments from their teammates are more likely to play individual games and even
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid being".
avoid to be
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
as an employee in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
future


However
, there are major benefits for
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children
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Firstly
,
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children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to interact with everyone in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. They will be dealing with all kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and will
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learn
how to communicate
properly
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
strength to achieve their mutual goal.
For instance
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
employees
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who
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
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group
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sports
in childhood are more likely to be a top performer in a professional
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work
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team
as well
. Another
equally
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important
advantage is that
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children
will
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learn
to deal with conflicts. Every person has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view and way of thinking which results in conflicts among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
players.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
positively
accept others opinion and to convince them for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This proves to be an essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
required for an employee to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a team.

In conclusion
, While there are rare circumstances where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
acquired by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not required as for a self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is working alone and for someone reluctant on joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as they will be more understanding regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions and effective communication.
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IELTS essay some people say that plying sports helps to prepare children for their future work, while others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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