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Rich countries should help poorer countries when they suffer natural disasters. Do you agree?

Rich countries should help poorer countries when they suffer natural disasters. Do you agree? qy1r
During natural misfortune, it is believed that first world states should be able to assist less privileged countries. This essay agrees that the rich countries must provide aid to countries affected by disasters because there is usually a budget in most financially stable states for such situations and moreover they need to help as they may need assistance from other nations. In rich states a budget is always in place for any misfortunes in other countries. These funds are put aside for any unforseen situations especially for the less privileged countries. This has been seen to be very helpful for affected areas. For example the United States of America one of the financially powerful nations has spent a lot of money during the flooding that occured in Manilla Philipines. Even the rich countries do need help from other countries even if it's not financially. It is just human to help each others as different nations as it is unknown when assistance will be required. The UK is a good example, as they have helped African countries through the United Nations during floods and droughts and in turn have benefited from skilled workforce from unprivileged countries that come to work. In conclusion, Nations should work hand in hand, if they are financially stable and have money put aside for disasters, aid may be provided for the unprivileged and inturn may get assistance when they need it.
During natural misfortune, it
is believed
that
first
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
should be able to assist less privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by disasters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is
usually
a budget in most
financially
stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
for such situations and
moreover
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
as they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
assistance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.

In rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
a budget is always in place for any misfortunes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. These funds
are put
aside for any
Possible spelling mistake found.
unforseen
situations
especially
for the less privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
areas.
For example
the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
of America one of the
financially
powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
has spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money during the flooding that
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manilla
Possible spelling mistake found.
Philipines
.

Even the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
even if it's not
financially
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
human to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as it is unknown when assistance will
be required
. The UK is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example, as they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
during floods and droughts and in turn have benefited from skilled workforce from unprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to work.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
should work hand in hand, if they are
financially
stable and have money put aside for disasters, aid may
be provided
for the unprivileged and
Possible spelling mistake found.
inturn
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
assistance when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
it.
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IELTS essay Rich countries should help poorer countries when they suffer natural disasters. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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