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Some people say that playing sports helps to prepare children for their future jobs. Do you agree or disagree ?

Some people say that playing sports helps to prepare children for their future jobs. RR0YQ
It is believed by some that sports make children ready for future games. I agree with the statement that games prepares children for future, but education also provide job opportunities for them. To begin with, Games prepares pupils in many ways. Firstly, it helps children to overcome their fear by participating in different sports activities such as basketball, Cricket, running. These activities are performed in different sports meets which are organsied by schools and universities in order to boost the confidence of children. When they get rewards for their performance, then they feel fearless. As a result, some of the outstanding students are trained to participate in games which are played on national and international levels. Those who achieve position on national and international get the chances to make their carrier after finishing their education which might increase their chances for jobs in future. However, Education also helps the children to get job in future. Children get some basic knowledge and training at educational institutes which helps them to get job in future. For instance, A children can not become doctor in future, if he has not studied science after higher education, and medical colleges and hospital only prefers experienced and qualified individuals for job. Moreover, it is not possible to get job without degree. To conclude, I would loke to say that although games prepares children for future jobs, but education also prepares them for future. Without education no one can achieve his her goal in life.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ready for
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future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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Games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepares
pupils in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to overcome their fear by participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports activities such as basketball, Cricket, running. These activities
are performed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports meets which are
Possible spelling mistake found.
organsied
by schools and universities in order to boost the confidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rewards for their performance, then they feel fearless.
As a result
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
outstanding students
are trained
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
are played
on national and international levels. Those who achieve position on national and international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their carrier after finishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which might increase their chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic knowledge and training at educational institutes which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For instance
, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not become doctor in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, if he has not studied science after higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and medical colleges and hospital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prefers experienced and qualified individuals for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Moreover
, it is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without degree.

To conclude
, I
The word 'loke' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
would loke
to say that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepares
them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
no one can achieve his her goal in life.
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IELTS essay Some people say that playing sports helps to prepare children for their future jobs.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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