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Many mothers stay at home to take care of their family and do not go out to work. Some people believe these mothers should be paid by the government. Do you agree or disagree.?

Many mothers stay at home to take care of their family and do not go out to work. Some people believe these mothers should be paid by the government. ? yxLd3
It is believed by many people that those mothers who take care of their children and family members should get money from the government. I agree that authorities should pay some amount of money to housewives. To begin with, authorities should pay to unemployed mothers in order to improve their living standard. Some of these women particularly in rural area are unable to go out because they do not have enough money even to buy some of the basic things due to low income. They prefer to spend entire day in the care of their family members. For instance, Mostly in villages of India, usually women can not take care their children due to the lack of money, which results into poor living standard. Furthermore, Money should be given to women in order to make them more Independent. Generally Mothers young mothers rely on their family members and sometimes this can become the cause of quarrels among the family members. This is because they do not get sufficient money even to take care their children properly which results in conflict. To illustrate, generally, newly married girls face domestic violence during initial years of marriage due lack of money and reliance on others. So, paying money to these females will really make them happy and resolve their family conflicts. To conclude, I would like to say that government must pay money to mothers in order to improve their living standard and boost their confidence.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that those mothers who take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that authorities should pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to housewives.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, authorities should pay to unemployed mothers in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standard.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these women
particularly
in rural area are unable to go out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
even to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
basic things due to low income. They prefer to spend entire day in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
For instance
,
Mostly
in villages of India,
usually
women can not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
their children due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which results into poor living standard.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to women in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more Independent.
Generally
Mothers young mothers rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this can become the cause of quarrels among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
even to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
their children
properly
which results in conflict. To illustrate,
generally
,
newly
married girls face domestic violence during initial years of marriage due lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and reliance on others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to these females will
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy and resolve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
conflicts.

To conclude
, I would like to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to mothers in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standard and boost their confidence.
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IELTS essay Many mothers stay at home to take care of their family and do not go out to work. Some people believe these mothers should be paid by the government. ?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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