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Some people say that parents should take full responsibility for their children's obesity and unhealthy lifestyle while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that parents should take full responsibility for their children's obesity and unhealthy lifestyle while others disagree. wOQbq
It is irrefutable that children’s way of life is the main reason for their obesity and health problems and it is also primarily responsible for their parents. However, we should not single out parents as the only responsible. In this essay, some compelling reasons will be analyzed as a deeper aspect. To begin with, parents should keep an eye on their children to prevent them from bad lifestyle. Needless to say, if their children have a bad behavior or eat too much fast food, parents should stop them immediately and tell them how bad is their behavior and why they do not eat plenty of fast food. In addition, the parents should spend more time on cooking at home or playing with their children because the food at home is surely healthier than the fast food and playing activities with their children will help parents to see the bad things they can learn by their friends, on television, on the internet and fix these inaccurate behaviors. From what have been mentioned, parents are not the only ones can help children but government also can reduce the unhealthy food and an adverse effect on children by the internet, television. The government can check and prevent food companies from producing unhealthy food or select the helpful videos on the social net-working, Currently, children spend their time on computer or television so the useful contents which will be censored by government is the accurate way to give them knowledge to behave correctly and lead to the healthy lifestyle. On the other hand, children should improve their lifestyle by themselves. For instance, they can choose good friends to play because friends are also close to them and they will be affected by the adverse things around them. Additionally, they can comprehend the adverse things which are easier to catch than the good one. In conclusion, parents are the one who go first to improve their children lifestyle but government also give a hand to help children lifestyle and obesity improve more better.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
way of life is the main reason for their obesity and health problems and it is
also
primarily
responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, we should not single out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
responsible. In this essay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling reasons will
be analyzed
as a deeper aspect.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Needless to say, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
behavior or eat too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them immediately and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
is their behavior and why they do not eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend more time on cooking at home or playing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home is
surely
healthier than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and playing activities with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
things they can learn by their friends, on television, on the internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
these inaccurate behaviors.

From what have
been mentioned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and an adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by the internet, television. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from producing unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or select the helpful videos on the social net-working,
Currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their time on computer or television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the useful contents which will
be censored
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is the accurate way to give them knowledge to behave
correctly
and lead to the healthy lifestyle.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
by themselves.
For instance
, they can choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
friends are
also
close to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the adverse things around them.
Additionally
, they can comprehend the adverse things which are easier to catch than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the one who go
first
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
give a hand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and obesity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should take full responsibility for their children's obesity and unhealthy lifestyle while others disagree.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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