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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many are of the opinion that children, in their leisure time, should be motivated by their parents to join certain structured group activities. Others, however, believe that self-learning is crucial for children to keep themselves engaged instead of being directed. This essay discusses both perspectives and why I believe that children need advice on how to stay occupied in their free time. On one hand, young adolescents might not have the knowledge of various alternatives that exist to keep themselves busy in their free time. So, they need their parent’s motivation till they reach adulthood. For instance, a four-year-old might not have any knowledge about community service, such as, spending time in old age home, and lending a hand in beach cleaning drives. Henceforth, parents need to encourage their children to join such structured group activities so their leisure time can be channelised to best use. On the other hand, some believe that this decision should be left with the children to decide on how do they want to spend their free time. They could enact what they have learnt from the past, for example, children might start helping in daily household chores since they observe their parents do it. This will not only help them inculcate good habits for rest of their lives, but will also help them stay busy. But it can lead to some adversities, for instance, children might start watching television throughout their leisure time since they see their family members doing so. Hence, children need their parent’s motivation to better manage their time. To conclude, children do not always know how they should keep themselves busy with the right activities and if they are left to decide on their own, they might end up imbibing a wrong habit. Hence, parents should keep their children encouraged and motivated to join certain group activities in their leisure time so they can not only inculcate good learnings but also put their time to best use.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, should
be motivated
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
certain structured group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Others,
however
, believe that self-learning is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves engaged
instead
of
being directed
. This essay discusses both perspectives and why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
advice on how to stay occupied in their free time.

On one hand, young adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not have the knowledge of various alternatives that exist to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves busy in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
motivation till they reach adulthood.
For instance
, a four-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not have any knowledge about community service, such as, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age home, and lending a hand in beach cleaning drives. Henceforth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
such structured group
Use a comma before ‘so’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be
Possible spelling mistake. ‘channelised’ is British English.
channelised
to best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that this decision should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decide on how do they want to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They could enact what they have
Possible spelling mistake. ‘learnt’ is British English.
learnt
from the past,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
helping in daily household chores since they observe their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do it. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them inculcate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits for rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them stay busy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adversities,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
watching television throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their family members doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
motivation to better manage their time.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not always know how they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves busy with the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to decide on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up imbibing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
habit.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
encouraged and motivated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
certain group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inculcate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
learnings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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