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It is sometimes suggested that primary schoolchildren should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweighed the disadvantages?

There is occasionally an offer that pupils should obtain knowledge about growing vegetables taking care of animals during early years of their study at school. While there are serious negative consequences of this, I would argue that these are outweighed by the advantages. To begin with, it is undeniable that school pupils can gain a number of benefits via excelling at growing plants and keeping animals. First and foremost, those who have green fingers, may share their a certain amount of proportion to balance their family budget. For instance, if pupils are managed to achieve success in this field, expenditure on products which they learnt to grow, namely tomato, potato and pumkin, can be decreased. What is more, such pupils will be kind-hearted by caring animals which is one of the welcoming features of human beings. Lastly, conducting this kind of policy is a great way to from children's background about nature and creatures. On the other hand, teaching young students of schools to these activities can be highly detrimental as, firstly, they may be distracted from their major curriculum and spend comparatively less time to their studies. Moreover, there is a probability of being damaged by toxic plants while growing and also some animals can be dangerous for them with its aggressive behavior. In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, while it is true to say that attracting schoolchildren to these activities affects negatively their studies to some extent, actually it has a great number of outcomes in this respect.
There is
occasionally
an offer that
pupils
should obtain knowledge about growing vegetables taking care of
animals
during early years of their study at school. While there are serious
negative
consequences of this, I would argue that these
are outweighed
by the advantages. To
begin
with, it is undeniable that school
pupils
can gain a number of benefits via excelling at growing plants and keeping
animals
.
First
and foremost, those who have green fingers, may share
their
a certain amount of proportion to balance their family budget.
For instance
, if
pupils
are managed
to achieve success in this field, expenditure on products which they
learnt
to grow,
namely
tomato, potato and
pumkin
, can
be decreased
.
What is more
, such
pupils
will be kind-hearted by caring
animals
which is one of the welcoming features of human beings.
Lastly
, conducting this kind of policy is a great way to from children's background about nature and creatures.
On the other hand
, teaching young students of schools to these activities can be
highly
detrimental as,
firstly
, they may
be distracted
from their major curriculum and spend
comparatively
less time to their studies.
Moreover
, there is a probability of
being damaged
by toxic plants while growing and
also
some
animals
can be
dangerous
for them with its aggressive behavior.
In conclusion
, as far as I
am concerned
, while it is true to say that attracting schoolchildren to these activities affects
negatively
their studies to
some
extent, actually it has a great number of outcomes in this respect.
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IELTS essay It is sometimes suggested that primary schoolchildren should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweighed the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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