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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities WE1xW
Some people feel that children should spend their spare time doing group activities, other opine that children should find ways to keep themselves busy on their own. In my opinion, both options have their own merits and demerits. Parents should involve their children in organised group activities. They should allow them to socialize with people in their immediate vicinity. They may organise their children in other activities such as work with teammates, achieve their common goals, it also becomes the reason of interpersonal skill of their children and enhance the confidence in their wards. Gain skills required to cope with the pressure of working by completing others in healthy manner. Every child should participate in group activities which are safe for them and guided by the supervisor of team. It also helps the child, to be in discipline. On the other hand, parents should allow their children to choose themselves by having the freedom of thoughts. They should encourage their child to participate in curriculum activities. By staying busy in reading, writing, painting help the children to discover their hidden talents. Loneliness can demotivate children. They can participate in unproductive activities which become the reason of major risk. Wards can get frustrated and may need psychological treatment to get recovery. To sum up, it is important for child to find a way to keep themselves occupied on their own. However, parents should also encourage them to engage in group activities because such activities help to improve their health and overall personality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their spare time doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In my opinion, both options have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and demerits. Parents should involve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to socialize with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their immediate vicinity. They may
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as work with teammates, achieve their common goals, it
also
becomes the reason of interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and enhance the confidence in their wards. Gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required to cope with the pressure of working by completing others in healthy manner. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which are safe for them and guided by the supervisor of team. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, to be in discipline. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose themselves by having the freedom of thoughts. They should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to participate in curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. By staying busy in reading, writing, painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to discover their hidden talents. Loneliness can demotivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They can participate in unproductive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which become the reason of major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. Wards can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated and may need psychological treatment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recovery. To sum up, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to find a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
However
, parents should
also
encourage them to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and
overall
personality
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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