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Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development? rK2Nm
Nowadays, younger generation invest their leisure time mostly into playing video games. This essay gives reasons for the preferences of video games over other activities by youth and argues about the negative development associated with them. With the advancement of technology, varied options available for people to utilize their free time, nowadays, and the most obvious choice are computer games. One would feel the virtual world by just sitting at one place with wide variety of games available in different fields. For Example, cricket, volleyball, football, etc. are there in terms of sports games, cars, buses with tracks for racing games, Warfield games and various other options. Moreover, computers are cheap now and can be afforded by every family with internet access and cyber café options available in the market for rented use. Because electronic games are easily accessible, it does not mean that they resulted in positive development. There are numerous banes with this technological advantage. Due to prolonged hours sitting at one location and continuous looking into the screen may damage health conditions of an individual. To illustrate, a survey conducted by WHO in United States who keeps track of this issue proved that 80 percentage of population suffers from vision loss and obesity. Additionally, it may also affect the social life of people as the interaction becomes very less, as a consequence, they lack collaboration, team work and other social qualities. To conclude, considering the above arguments, adults can decide to prioritize their time, so that the negative developments can be avoided for this wonderful gift available.
Nowadays, younger generation invest their leisure time
mostly
into playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay gives reasons for the preferences of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
over other activities by youth and argues about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development associated with them.

With the advancement of technology, varied options
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to utilize their free time, nowadays, and the most obvious choice are computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. One would feel the virtual world by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting at one place with wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields.
For Example
, cricket, volleyball, football, etc. are there in terms of sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, cars, buses with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
for racing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Warfield
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and various other options.
Moreover
, computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and can
be afforded
by every family with internet access and cyber café options
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
in the market for rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
easily
accessible, it does not mean that they resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. There are numerous banes with this technological advantage. Due to prolonged hours sitting at one location and continuous looking into the screen may damage health conditions of an individual. To illustrate, a survey conducted by WHO
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United States".
in United States
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of this issue proved that 80 percentage of population suffers from vision loss and obesity.
Additionally
, it may
also
affect the social life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as the interaction becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less, as a consequence, they lack collaboration, team work and other social qualities.

To conclude
, considering the above arguments, adults can decide to prioritize their time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
developments can
be avoided
for this wonderful gift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
.
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IELTS essay Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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