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Some people believe that the government should not support arts and other activities. However, others believe that the arts and other activities should be funded. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that the government should not support arts and other activities. However, others believe that the arts and other activities should be funded. v. 1
It is often argued that the art is necessary as a part of hobbies. Some people might think that the local council would not care arts and any other things, whereas, others insist that it could be consumed with money. In my opinion, I personally think that the arts must be developed more than before. This essay will address the both sides of activities. First of all, a plenty of economic business is more important than any other creative activities in modern society. Recently, the majority of jobs require more practical skills such as engineering technics because some of the arts is not related to grow up the economy of local society. For example, when people take part in a conference such as how to improve IT skills to earn a lot of money, thenthen the economic activities which are much better than arts for the community are operating efficiently. Furthermore, it seems like wasting time and money when the government supports the arts or more. On the other hand, it is a good opportunity to be creative person for the future when government support the arts. In other words, it is good for the characteristics particularly for children. For instance, when youth people play musical instruments or painting they might have an abundance of emotion which is helpful and useful for some creative and emotional professions such as a hairdresser or musician. Therefore, children’s brain will be inspired to be the best artist in the future. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that it is not an obligation of government to support the article activities we need to encourage people to focus on the creative things. It will be also effective to maintain the beautiful future for the next generation.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is necessary as a part of hobbies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the local council would not care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things, whereas, others insist that it could
be consumed
with money. In my opinion, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be developed
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This essay will address the both sides of activities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of economic business is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
activities in modern society. Recently, the majority of jobs require more practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as engineering
Possible spelling mistake found.
technics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not related to grow up the economy of local society.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a conference such as how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thenthen
the economic activities which are much better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
for the community are operating
efficiently
.
Furthermore
, it seems like wasting time and money when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supports the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
or more.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
person for the future when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "supports".
support
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the characteristics
particularly
for children.
For instance
, when youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play musical instruments or painting they might have an abundance of emotion which is helpful and useful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
and emotional professions such as a hairdresser or musician.
Therefore
, children’s brain will
be inspired
to be the best artist in the future.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that it is not an obligation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to support the article activities we need to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
things. It will be
also
effective to maintain the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
future for the
next
generation.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should not support arts and other activities. However, others believe that the arts and other activities should be funded. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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