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some people say that olympic games are not relevant in the 21 st century do you agree or disagree Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience

some people say that olympic games are not relevant in the 21 st century Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience WY81k
Olympic games are the international games where all countries connect together and participates to uplift their country. Many people say that Olympic games is not important in 21st century. I strongly disagree with the view point that says these games are irrelevant in present days. I would like to shed light on some of these points in my upcoming paragraphs and conclude at the end. To start with, an Olympic medal is considered as the highest honor by any sports person and is the one where we have chance to connect with other countries. For instance, America and china was able to put down their personal conflicts and participated in the games. Likewise, international games are favorite for the mankind and it is not at all neglected from any of the citizens of their country. However, athletes who participate in Olympic game are not only showcasing their talent they are even representing their country. Moreover, the citizens of their country will always support the persons who bring glory to their country. So, definitely winning prize in Olympics is important because fame of this have never came down even now or before. On the other hand, Olympics is a kind of stage where sports people get together and exchange their culture. Consequently, before getting into Olympics the player would crossed all other barriers and worked really hard to get into this. Government should support and give some incentives for the players because in return they bring the glory and respect to the country. To sum up whatever the side of the argument one may take it is what you believe in that makes you happy. As per my view Olympic Games are relevant in 21st century and it will always have been impact on the world in the present and in future.
Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
where all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
connect together and participates to uplift their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in 21st century. I
strongly
disagree with the view point that says these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are irrelevant in present days. I would like to shed light on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these points in my upcoming paragraphs and conclude at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, an Olympic medal
is considered
as the highest honor by any sports person and is the one where we have chance to connect with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, America and china was able to put down their personal conflicts and participated in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Likewise
, international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are favorite for the mankind and it is not at all neglected from any of the citizens of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, athletes who participate in Olympic game are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
showcasing their talent they are even representing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, the citizens of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will always support the persons who bring glory to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, definitely winning prize in Olympics is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fame of this have never came down even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

On the other hand
, Olympics is a kind of stage where sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together and exchange their culture.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting into Olympics the player would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "cross"
crossed
all other barriers and worked
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into this.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should support and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incentives for the players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in return they bring the glory and respect to the country.

To sum up whatever the side of the argument one may take it is what you believe in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy. As per my view Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
are relevant in 21st century and it will always have been impact on the world in the present and
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
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IELTS essay some people say that olympic games are not relevant in the 21 st century Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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