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In recent era cinemas and music can be downloaded from the website or any source of the internet. While I am on this topic, I would tend to express my strong affiliation towards the positive sides which outweigh the negative sides.

In recent era cinemas and music can be downloaded from the website or any source of the internet. While I am on this topic, I would tend to express my strong affiliation towards the positive sides which outweigh the negative sides. xDOqo
On one hand, movies and music have impacted positively on individuals. Moreover, we are welcoming advance technologies in our day to day life. Furthermore, cinemas and music are the ones helps us in relieving our stress and relax when we are having a hectic life schedules. Mainly, downloading music is easily accessible and it’s just a one click away where you can get hold of any music without even spending a penny. Consequently, it enables us to save a huge amount of time and energy. In some remote places people might not have the infrastructure of the cinema hall or the cd shops where this might help them download music and cinema online wherever they are. Indeed, youths does not like to hear or see same jonour. So, this helps them to watch other countries music as well. For instance, nowadays people use YouTube as their platform to showcase their talent and innovative skills in the field of music and entertainment. All these brings a lot of fame and earnings. On the other hand, some of the explicit contents that are available openly might get into the hands of children and young minds which may impact negatively on them as well as on the society. Also, directors who create music and movies would have spent a lot of money on this and downloading it from the online platform might not reach their expectation. Owing to all the above arguments, I would like to surmise that when the technology has given us all the provisions and opportunities to download without spending any time or money. Hence, it is definitely advantageous if we use it in a right possible way.
On one hand, movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have impacted
positively
on individuals.
Moreover
, we are welcoming advance technologies in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
Furthermore
, cinemas and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are the ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us in relieving our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and relax when we are having a hectic life schedules.
Mainly
, downloading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
easily
accessible and it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a one click away where you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hold of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
without even spending a penny.
Consequently
, it enables us to save a huge amount of time and energy. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remote places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not have the infrastructure of the cinema hall or the
Possible spelling mistake found.
cd
shops where this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them download
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and cinema online wherever they are.
Indeed
, youths does not like to hear or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
same
Possible spelling mistake found.
jonour
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
other
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as well
.
For instance
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
YouTube as their platform to showcase their talent and innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and entertainment. All
The verb 'brings' is singular. Did you mean: "This brings" or "these bring"?
these brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fame and earnings.

On the other hand
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
explicit contents that are available
openly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the hands of children and young minds which may impact
negatively
on them
as well
as on the society.
Also
, directors who create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and movies would have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on this and downloading it from the online platform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not reach their expectation.

Owing to all the above arguments, I would like to surmise that when the technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us all the provisions and opportunities to download without spending any time or money.
Hence
, it is definitely advantageous if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in a right possible way.
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IELTS essay In recent era cinemas and music can be downloaded from the website or any source of the internet. While I am on this topic, I would tend to express my strong affiliation towards the positive sides which outweigh the negative sides.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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