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Some people say that older people should live with their adult children, while others think they should live in homes specially built for old people. Which do you think is a better practice?

Some people say that older people should live with their adult children, while others think they should live in homes specially built for old people. Which do you think is a better practice? QL3Wb
It is widely argued whether taking care of the elderly at their own homes or letting them live in nursing homes is a better option. Although the latter view can be good to some extent, in my opinion, the former view seems to be more beneficial for elderly people themselves. On the one hand, there are many reasons why advocates support the view that aged people should be put in rest homes. It is undeniable that young people these days are so busy with their heavy workloads that they can leave little time for taking care of their old parents. This means that many elderly people not only have to do things by themselves but they may also feel lonely and bored in their houses. Furthermore, in fact, the majority of retired citizens are likely to suffer from health deterioration or joint-related diseases which make them unable to walk. Therefore, living in designated homes for the elderly can provide them with sufficient medical care from experienced nurses as well as the daily face-to-face interactions with other old people. On the other hand, I am more convinced that the elderly will be happier if they can live with their adult children and grandchildren who have special roles in the aged people’s lives. Firstly, most old people feel more satisfied when they can see their adult offspring on a daily basis and help to look after their grandchildren at the retirement age. This somehow eradicates the shame of becoming burdens for their offspring and therefore gives them a feeling of being useful in society. In other words, living close to their loving family can have positive effects on the older people’s mental health which plays a vital role in prolonging their life expectancy. Secondly, compared to the high standard lives in nursing centres, the costs of taking care of the elderly at home are by far more economical since families have to spend a huge amount of money, about 5000 dollars a year on average in the USA, for example, so that their old parents can be offered with good services in nursing houses. In conclusion, the elderly can exert medical benefits from living in nursing houses, yet I still hold a firm belief that retired citizens should live under the same roof with their adult children to maintain mental well-being and expand their longevity.
It is
widely
argued whether taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
or letting them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is a better option. Although the latter view can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, in my opinion, the former view seems to be more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why advocates support the view that aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be put
in rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. It is undeniable that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with their heavy workloads that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
parents. This means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do things by themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they may
also
feel lonely and bored in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
Furthermore
, in fact, the majority of retired citizens are likely to suffer from health deterioration or joint-related diseases which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them unable to walk.
Therefore
, living in designated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
can provide them with sufficient medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
from experienced nurses
as well
as the daily face-to-face interactions with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, I am more convinced that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
will be happier if they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their adult children and grandchildren who have special roles in the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Firstly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more satisfied when they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their adult offspring on a daily basis and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to look after their grandchildren at the retirement age. This somehow eradicates the shame of becoming burdens for their offspring and
therefore
gives them a feeling of being useful in society.
In other words
, living close to their loving family can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental health which plays a vital role in prolonging their life expectancy.
Secondly
, compared to the high standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in nursing
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, the costs of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
at home are by far more economical since families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a huge amount of money, about 5000 dollars a year on average in the USA,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
parents can
be offered
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
services in nursing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
can exert medical benefits from living in nursing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
yet
I
still
hold a firm belief that retired citizens should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
under the same roof with their adult children to maintain mental well-being and expand their longevity.
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IELTS essay Some people say that older people should live with their adult children, while others think they should live in homes specially built for old people. Which do you think is a better practice?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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