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Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema Discuss both theses views and give your own opinion. v.12

Technology has transformed the way of audience watching movies utterly. There is always an debate between people that movies should only be watched in cinema hall for better experience while other prefer to watch on their Smartphone’s, Tablets On computers etc. Talking from my perspective I believe I would prefer watching movies and shows on my phone rather than personally going to cinema. Furthermore we will discuss both views in forthcoming paragraphs and will give relevant examples from personal experience. On the one hand, many people prefer watching movies on their smart phones and tablets as it is more convenient. People can watch a film according to their time and preference one can take a break at their discretion. Secondly Due to coronavirus pandemic in 2020 Probably Many theaters were forced to shut due to which the world saw and extreme surge in demand on OTT platforms such as Netflix, Amazon prime videos are some of the online platforms which charges minimum amount of money and provides profound amount of content that one could watch from funny comedy to drama. Thirdly as technology has developed that smartphone company not only manufactures high end devices that fives better sound quality and vivid experience to consumers but also Manufactures Virtual reality headsets. so that one can gain 3d Experience without leaving the home. From examples, I hardly get any time consume Some entertainment from my busy work schedule I prefer to watch it on my phone while commuting. However, Plethora of people tend to enjoy watching movies in theatres. As ambience that it creates is totally different Also nowadays as technology has advanced cinema halls are now equipped with better sound quality and and screens. One can feel of 4D experience which is not available on smart phones. Secondly viewers can distract from their hectic life and submerge themselves in the movie accordingly. For instance I and most of my friend, love going to cinema hall so as to avoid humdrum life. Regardlessly there are some downside to as sometimes the seats are occupied, sometimes there is disturbance from audience which hampers your experience and last but not the least The tickets nowadays are profoundly costly which often puts a person in dilemma situation rather to watch it in theater or on their handsets. To recapitulate, While Many people like to enjoy movies in theatre I believe watching the same on handset far cheaper and convenient.
Technology has transformed the way of audience watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
utterly
. There is always
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
debate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
hall for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
on their Smartphone’s, Tablets On computers etc. Talking from my perspective I believe I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
rather
than
personally
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
we will discuss both views in forthcoming paragraphs and will give relevant examples from personal experience.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on their smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and tablets as it is more convenient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a film according to their time and preference one can take a break at their discretion.
Secondly
Due to coronavirus pandemic in 2020
Probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
theaters
were forced
to shut due to which the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
and extreme surge in demand on
Possible spelling mistake found.
OTT
platforms such as Netflix,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Amazon prime
videos are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
online platforms which charges minimum amount of money and provides profound amount of content that one could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
comedy to drama.
Thirdly
as technology has developed that smartphone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
manufactures high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
devices that fives better sound quality and vivid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to consumers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Manufactures Virtual reality headsets.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
that one can gain 3d
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Experience
without leaving the home. From examples, I hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any time consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
entertainment from my busy work schedule I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
while commuting.

However
, Plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to enjoy watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
. As ambience that it creates is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Also
nowadays as technology has advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
halls are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
equipped with better sound quality
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
screens. One can feel of 4D
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
which is not available on smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
Secondly
viewers can distract from their hectic life and submerge themselves in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
accordingly
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instance, I".
instance I
and most of my friend,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
hall
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
avoid humdrum life.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Regardlessly
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "downsides"?
downside
to as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the seats
are occupied
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there is disturbance from audience which hampers your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least The tickets nowadays are
profoundly
costly which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
puts a person in dilemma situation
rather
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it in theater or on their handsets.

To recapitulate, While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
I believe watching the same on handset far cheaper and convenient.
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IELTS essay Some people say that now we can see films on our phones and tablets and there is no need to go to the cinema. Others says that to be fully enjoyed, Films need to be seen in a cinema.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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