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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? v.32

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? v. 32
In this modern era of scientific advancement, agricultural technologies are reaching new heights. However, despite this tremendous development, farmers and agricultural workers seem to suffer from poverty and hunger wherein, many commit suicides, owing to their poor financial background, which does not allow them to pay their ever growing debt, or even afford to feed the mouths of the entire family. Firstly, the exploding population has put an enormous pressure on today’s farmers, forcing them to work to their bone in order to meet the growing demand for food crops. Consequently, this large scale farming leads to many agricultural workers from a lower economic background to apply for agricultural loans, which comes with a hefty interest rate that these poor people have a hard time paying back. In addition, the harsh and competitive business war between vendors and retail supermarkets results in needless lowering of prices of the crops, ultimately spelling disaster for these poor farmers who decide on skipping a meal or two, in an attempt to pay back the debt in a long run. Furthermore, the unpredictable climate can prove to be fatal for crops, negatively impacting the livelihood of individuals whose lives depends on the harvest. For instance, extensive global warming in India has delayed the monsoon as well as extended the summers countless times in the past, which drastically brings down the yield due to the death of the crops. As the farmers have nothing to sell, they have nothing to earn as a consequence. Therefore, these people have to burn through their measly savings, which is barely enough to survive, failing to satisfy the hunger entirely, in these dire situations where food prices skyrocket due to shortage, leading to further demise of these unfortunate workers. In a nutshell, robust innovations in the field of agriculture and life sciences fail to save the lives of these poverty-stricken farmers from the clutches of nasty debts, as well as unforeseen weather conditions, causing an infinite number of silent cries from these hungry people’s mouths go unheard every day, in one or the other corner of the world.
In this modern era of scientific advancement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
technologies are reaching new heights.
However
, despite this tremendous development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
workers seem to suffer from poverty and hunger wherein,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
commit suicides, owing to their poor financial background, which does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to pay their ever growing debt, or even afford to feed the mouths of the entire family.

Firstly
, the exploding population has put an enormous pressure on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
, forcing them to work to their bone in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the growing demand for food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
.
Consequently
, this large scale farming leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
workers from a lower economic background to apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
loans, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a hefty interest rate that these poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time paying back.
In addition
, the harsh and competitive business war between vendors and retail supermarkets results in needless lowering of prices of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
,
ultimately
spelling disaster for these poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
who decide on skipping a meal or two, in an attempt to pay back the debt in a long run.

Furthermore
, the unpredictable climate can prove to be fatal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
,
negatively
impacting the livelihood of individuals whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "depend".
depends
on the harvest.
For instance
, extensive global warming in India has delayed the monsoon
as well
as extended the summers countless times in the past, which
drastically
brings down the yield due to the death of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
have nothing to sell, they have nothing to earn as a consequence.
Therefore
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
burn through their measly savings, which is
barely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to survive, failing to satisfy the hunger
entirely
, in these dire situations where food prices skyrocket due to shortage, leading to
further
demise of these unfortunate workers.

In a nutshell, robust innovations in the field of agriculture and life sciences fail to save the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of these poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
from the clutches of nasty debts,
as well
as unforeseen weather conditions, causing an infinite number of silent cries from these hungry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s mouths go unheard every day, in one or the other corner of the world.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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