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Some people say that music is the good way of bringing people of different ages and culture together To what extent do you agree or disagree with opinion.

Some people say that music is the good way of bringing people of different ages and culture together with opinion. 71jy
A number of people agree upon that music is the best option to bring more people together with various culture and ages. I totally agree that music has that magic which attracts variety of folks tighter. Today’s world is full of stress and tension. consequently everyone is trying different things to get mind relax. Music is the best therapy for the stress. Music makes mind fresh and energies the body. There are various kinds of music all over the world like classical, folks, national, international, jazz, Hip-Hops and Rap etc. Firstly, there are different age groups which enjoy different music. For instance, aged people love to hear classical songs with great lyrics and young people like to listen rap as well as international songs. Everyone has opinions for their music. Secondly, Music has power which attracts you to the different cultures. I know a number of people, they belong to some different state, and they love another state's music. Like Maharashtrian people can enjoy south Indian as well as Punjabi songs. In a number of weddings people of various age group enjoys dancing. Now the trend has changed, In music industry musicians try to create distinct music types and people really enjoys that. For example Sairat is a Marathi movie but that movies developed with foreign artist and it is one of the famous music all over the world. In conclusion, music is the best way to bring people together and change your mind and situation.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
upon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best option to bring more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together with various culture and ages. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has that magic which attracts variety of folks tighter.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s world is full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
consequently
everyone is trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mind relax.

Music is the best therapy for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
mind fresh and energies the body. There are various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
all over the world like classical, folks, national, international, jazz, Hip-Hops and Rap etc.

Firstly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
age groups which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For instance
, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to hear classical songs with great lyrics and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to listen rap
as well
as international songs. Everyone has opinions for their music.

Secondly
,
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Music
has power which attracts you to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures. I know a number of
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people
, they belong to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
state, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
another state's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maharashtrian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
south Indian
as well
as Punjabi songs. In a number of weddings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
dancing.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the trend has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry musicians try to create distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
types and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
that.
For example
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sairat
is a Marathi movie
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that movies developed with foreign artist and it is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
all over the world.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best way to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your mind and situation.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is the good way of bringing people of different ages and culture together with opinion.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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