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SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC IS A GOOD WAY OF BRINGING PEOPLE OF DIIFERENT CULTURES AND AGES TOGETHER. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION?

Music plays crucial role in order to achieve higher cognitive dimensions as per the ancient literature. Some people also opine that it is key element owing to which the cultured diversity could harness and individuals of different age groups join togeather. I stand with the aforementioned fact as it collabs two opposite cultures and reduces the age gap among various age groups. Music has its own language through which one can build cultured relationships with others. Numerous music applications make this a lot easier for everyone. Artists from different contries now performed LIVE concerts worldwild. Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan a sufi singer from pakistan, for example, recorded for the 'The Walking dead' movie. not only did he sing for the tittle song, but he also done the composition. His haunting voice is still gives goose-bumps everytime he been through his compositions says micheal cooper an american pop singer. There collaboration ruled the international music industry then as well as for the time being also. Thus music has plummeted the cultural barriers between them. Adding to this it re-fill the generation and age gap between the youth and the old ones. Reality shows having the grounds of music, witnessed the togeatherness of different age groups 'X factor' is recorded for the biggest realitt soap opera to which everyone loves to watch. Inspite of having huge musical diversity of RAP singing to classical music, elderly people as well as youngsters enjoyed it. What makes masses to collab together is harmony of music. To sum up, I would like to reinstate my belief that music has the tremendous pull toward itself that it can mitigate the cultural beliefs and age differences to being humanity on one platform. If people do not underestimate it's natural power, it will eventually lead to socially stable and morally prosperous society.
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Music
plays crucial role in order to achieve higher cognitive dimensions as per the ancient literature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
opine that it is key element owing to which the cultured diversity could harness and individuals of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Possible spelling mistake found.
togeather
. I stand with the aforementioned fact as it collabs two opposite cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gap among various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

Music has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language through which one can build cultured relationships with others. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this a lot easier for everyone. Artists from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
contries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
performed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
concerts
Possible spelling mistake found.
worldwild
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nusrat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fateh
Ali Khan a
Possible spelling mistake found.
sufi
singer from
Possible spelling mistake found.
pakistan
,
for example
, recorded for
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only “the” or “'The” is left.
the 'The
Walking dead' movie.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did he sing for the tittle song,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
You used a past participle without using any required verb (‘be’ or ‘have’).
also done
the composition. His haunting voice is
still
gives goose-bumps
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
he
You used a past participle without using any required verb (‘be’ or ‘have’).
been
through his compositions says
Possible spelling mistake found.
micheal
cooper an
Possible spelling mistake found.
american
pop singer. There collaboration ruled the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry then
as well
as for the time being
also
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has plummeted the cultural barriers between them.

Adding to this it re-fill the generation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gap between the youth and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones. Reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
having the grounds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, witnessed the
Possible spelling mistake found.
togeatherness
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups 'X factor'
is recorded
for the biggest
Possible spelling mistake found.
realitt
soap opera to which everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inspite
of having huge musical diversity of RAP singing to classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as youngsters enjoyed it. What
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
masses to collab together is harmony of music.

To sum up, I would like to reinstate my belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the tremendous pull toward itself that it can mitigate the cultural beliefs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
differences to being humanity on one platform. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not underestimate it's natural power, it will
eventually
lead to
socially
stable and
morally
prosperous society.
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A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC IS A GOOD WAY OF BRINGING PEOPLE OF DIIFERENT CULTURES AND AGES TOGETHER. WITH THIS OPINION?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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