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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together with this opinion. KDp0
It is undeniable that music plays a vital role in the spiritual life of virtually everyone who belongs to different cultures and ages. The idea here is that music is a good way to bring them together; however, I do not totally subscribe to this statement. On the one hand, music has been proven to be valuable in connecting different cultures embracing the same country, organization or family. Evidence suggests the more difference we could have in thought, action or emotion, the more desire we would express in a certain common interest and music is a precious option for cementing relationships. As a result of this way, many people no longer hesitate to have a discussion on issues, conflicts or arguments in a sincere way. Besides, music has been known as an effective therapy to decrease discrimination on the grounds of race, cultures. Don Shirley, a victim of racism used his musical talent to build the bridge for his cosmopolitan audience to be close to one another. In this way, he proved that everyone needs to live in harmony with each other instead of accepting the ethnic tensions. However, bringing people of different ages together may be out of control of the music. Indeed, generation gaps cause many people to have distinctive tastes in music. By way of illustration, the juvenile people have a preference in vibrant kinds of music like pop, rock, electrical dance music whilst the elderly prefer classical or soothing music. Moreover, the difference in lifestyle is the pivotal reason for this. The old have taste in songs contain insightful and thoughtful lyrics without superficial meanings, which are not likely to apply to the young with an active and happy-go-lucky lifestyle. In conclusion, it seems to me that music is a decent way to bring people of different cultures together; however, it is akin to people of different ages is an open question
It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a vital role in the spiritual life of
virtually
everyone who belongs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and ages. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
here is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to bring them together;
however
, I do not
totally
subscribe to this statement.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
been proven
to be valuable in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
embracing the same country, organization or family. Evidence suggests the more difference we could have in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, action or emotion, the more desire we would express in a certain common interest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a precious option for cementing relationships.
As a result
of this way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer hesitate to have a discussion on issues, conflicts or arguments
Consider replacing "in a sincere way" with the adverb for "sincere"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a sincere way
.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
been known
as an effective therapy to decrease discrimination on the grounds of race,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. Don Shirley, a victim of racism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
his musical talent to build the bridge for his cosmopolitan audience to be close to one another. In this way, he proved that everyone needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony with each other
instead
of accepting the ethnic tensions.

However
, bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages together may be out of control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Indeed
, generation gaps cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have distinctive tastes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. By way of illustration, the juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a preference in vibrant kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
like pop, rock, electrical dance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
whilst the elderly prefer classical or soothing music.

Moreover
, the difference in lifestyle is the pivotal reason for this. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
have taste in songs contain insightful and thoughtful lyrics without superficial meanings, which are not likely to apply to the young with an active and happy-go-lucky lifestyle.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a decent way to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
together;
however
, it is akin to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages is an open question
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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