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Criminality is growing among children and teenagers. Why is it growing and how should these criminals be treated?

Criminality is growing among children and teenagers. Why is it growing and how should these criminals be treated? pOdm
Crime situations are one of the essential issues of today’s society. It is known that youngers are impacted by crime influence. This essay will highlight the reasons of increasing crime incidents across teenagers such as promotion violence videos through Internet and bad economic situation in some developing countries. Also, the solutions will be noticed. Firstly, the technology is developing with high speed. It is known, the most users of Internet are young people under 18 years, and hence the sellers of drugs, for instance, or other criminal persons distribute their products virtually. In addition, the youngers are influenced by extremist organizations. They promote the violence video, which pursue the children to commit crime and illegal actions. The United Kingdom is a prime example, the 40000 teenagers crossed the borders without adult’s permission and participated in the war in 2018. To turning the solutions, the adults should control and restrict the access to the Web, also they should notice any strange behavior. Through these actions, the adults prevent children from negative impact of online promotions forced the commit the crime. Secondly, the economic development of country plays a vital role. The youngers commit the crime, mainly, for helping the family and find the money to buy the food. For example, the 60% of Brazilian young persons living in favela committed the crime linked to the drugs and keeping the guns. One immediate solution is supportive programs from country’s government. They should open sport clubs, create social amenities for youngers, especially for children from destitute families. Thus, they will spend time for improving their health or education. To draw the conclusion, worldwide web and poor condition of children lead to commit actions against law. As solutions, permanent control by adults and support by government should accelerate the youngers live and enjoy the life in correct way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
situations are one of the essential issues of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society. It
is known
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
are impacted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
influence. This essay will highlight the reasons of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
incidents across
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
such as promotion violence videos through Internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
economic situation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
will
be noticed
.

Firstly
, the technology is developing with high speed. It
is known
, the most users of Internet are young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under 18 years, and
hence
the sellers of drugs,
for instance
, or other criminal persons distribute their products
virtually
.
In addition
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
are influenced
by extremist organizations. They promote the violence video, which pursue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and illegal actions. The United Kingdom is a prime example, the 40000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
crossed the borders without adult’s permission and participated in the war in 2018. To turning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should control and restrict the access to the Web,
also
they should notice any strange behavior. Through these actions, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of online promotions forced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
the crime.

Secondly
, the economic development of country plays a vital role. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
mainly
, for helping the family and find the money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the food.
For example
, the 60% of Brazilian young persons living in
Possible spelling mistake found.
favela
committed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
linked to the drugs and keeping the guns. One immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is supportive programs from country’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. They should open sport clubs, create social amenities for
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from destitute families.
Thus
, they will spend time for improving their health or education.

To draw the conclusion, worldwide web and poor condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
actions against law. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
, permanent control by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and support by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should accelerate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and enjoy the life in correct way.
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IELTS essay Criminality is growing among children and teenagers. Why is it growing and how should these criminals be treated?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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