Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC IS A GOOD WAY OF BRINGING PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT CULTURES AND AGES TOGETHER,

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC IS A GOOD WAY OF BRINGING PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT CULTURES AND AGES TOGETHER, waROl
Music is liked by many in the world and hence several people are in view that it is a good option to bring the people together from various culture and of different age group. To some extent I agree with the statement because as far as different cultures are concerned people do like to come on same stage but with different age groups, the choice of music changes. To start with, a wide variety of music is liked everywhere in the globe. This relishness bring people together specifically on specific ocassion and it also gives the opportunity to know eachother. For example, in Indian marriages, irrespective of culture, cast or religion, people participate in dancing on same music when groom’s procession takes place. Not only it gives chance to enjoy with everyone but also it creates new companionship. Hence, music brings meny people togerther from different cultures. On the other hand, with different age groups, preference of music changes. This can lead to no enjoyment of a same kind of music, which could be the reason for not going along as far as different age goup is concerned. For instance, elderly often prefer old classic numbers; whereas, younger generation invariably choose jazzy music. Therefore it becomes difficult to intermingle in a same class of music. In my opinion, on special gathering ocassions, music plays an important role for bringing people together, along with that, it creates opportunity to fall in relationship, inspite of being from different culture. However, taste of music quite oftenly remains different with various age groups and that can make them apart. To conclude, no wonder music is relished by several people in the world, but on special circumstances people of different culture do share the same platform. In contrast, due to different kind of likeness particular age of people do not like to mix together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is liked
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in the world and
hence
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in view that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option to bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as far as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are concerned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on same stage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is liked
everywhere in the globe. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
relishness
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together
specifically
on specific
Possible spelling mistake found.
ocassion
and it
also
gives the opportunity to know
Possible spelling mistake found.
eachother
.
For example
, in Indian marriages, irrespective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, cast or religion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in dancing on same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when groom’s procession takes place. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it gives chance to enjoy with everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it creates new companionship.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings
Possible spelling mistake found.
meny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
togerther
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures.

On the other hand
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. This can lead to no enjoyment of a same kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, which could be the reason for not going along as far as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Possible spelling mistake found.
goup
is concerned
.
For instance
, elderly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prefer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
classic numbers; whereas, younger generation
invariably
choose jazzy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it becomes difficult to intermingle in a same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of music.

In my opinion, on special gathering
Possible spelling mistake found.
ocassions
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together, along with that, it creates opportunity to fall in relationship,
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of being from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
However
, taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
quite
Possible spelling mistake found.
oftenly
remains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them apart.

To conclude
, no wonder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is relished
by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on special circumstances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
do share the same platform.
In contrast
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kind of likeness particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to mix together.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC IS A GOOD WAY OF BRINGING PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT CULTURES AND AGES TOGETHER,

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts