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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? arGd
Many people believe that music play a good role in attract people coming from various cultures and ages. I strongly agree with this thought for several reasons will be explain below. To begin, people live in the world where there is a bussy, complex and pressure time for different ages. At level of 9 years old there is a child who scared from schools’ exam, in 18 years old there is a teenager who lives fluctuated feelings, moreover, there is a man who has a pressure to feed his family and provide them the enough supplements. All these different ages of people have their own complex situations and need to have some relax time or any type of entertainments, such as music. What’s surprising is that these needs and demands, fears and the pressure seem to be approximately similar in many cultures and places. So that music play a major role in grouping those people and provides them some good time. For example in Palestine when the University semester ends, a lot of students prepare a and mood nd arrange for a party where a preferred music turns on. These students coming from different places and cultures there are Palestinian students from village, cities and towns. In addition, there are also students from UK, USA, China, UAE and Jordan come to study with exchange program. Each of them has a different culture. In spite of this, they all agree with that the music is a good way to have some fun and forget the pressure even just a few hours. Moreover, that diversity of music match with different style of people thinking and mood. Many people prefer opera, others like rap or have interest in classic color of music, since all of them found his area of interest even they are in different places the thought that music what makes them similar in taste. For example, in one society there are Jordanian and American love traditional Dabka music, or a Canadian who has a good time while listening to Rap music. Nowadays in music is considered as a special type of art not for fun and entertainment but also for reflecting believes that people have, their attitudes and orientation. For instance, in many political events the music will be there play its role. For example, in Egypt revolution the music that inspired their thoughts were playing. To sum up, the music is everywhere satisfying most of people demands in different level of ages and the places, from this point of thought it can be strongly agree that the music is the best method for gathering people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
play a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role in attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming from various
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cultures
and
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ages
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
for several reasons will be
Consider using the past participle "explained"?
explain
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the world where there is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussy
, complex and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. At level of 9 years
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old
there is a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
scared from schools’ exam, in 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
fluctuated feelings,
moreover
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to feed his family and provide them the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
supplements. All these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
complex situations and need to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or any type of entertainments, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. What’s surprising is that these needs and demands, fears and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
seem to be approximately similar in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
play a major role in grouping those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and provides them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
in Palestine when the University semester ends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prepare a and mood
Possible spelling mistake found.
nd
arrange for a party where a preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
turns on. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
coming from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
there are Palestinian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from village, cities and towns.
In addition
, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from UK, USA, China, UAE and Jordan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to study with exchange program. Each of them has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this, they all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun and forget the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few hours.

Moreover
, that diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
match with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thinking and mood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer opera, others like rap or have interest in classic color of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, since all of them found his area of interest even they are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them similar in taste.
For example
, in one society there are Jordanian and
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "Americans"?
American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
traditional
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dabka
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, or a Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while listening to Rap music.

Nowadays in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is considered
as a special type of art not for fun and entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for reflecting believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have, their attitudes and orientation.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
political
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will be there play its role.
For example
, in Egypt revolution the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that inspired their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thoughts
were playing.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is everywhere satisfying most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
demands in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, from this point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
it can be
strongly
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best method for gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
436 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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