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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

Music has accepted as a universal phenomenon although almost every culture has diverse music structure, history and pleasure. A number of people argue that collecting various kinds of people and cultures is possible with music. I completely agree on this opinion because ı believe the music’s integration power. On the one hand, music is the oldest communication device between people. Before the human could not speak ability, they used voice and music to reflect their emotions. One of the fundamental tools for entertainment and worship was music. People stayed together and community with these kinds of communication thanks to music. Today, the same situation has been completing between people who have diverse aspects and ages. Therefore, the same song and music can be together with teenagers and older people. Besides, as much as listen to music, making music also can gather people together. To exemplify, establishing an orchestra or a band requires considerable harmony with people who inside in these musical structures. On the other hand, music triggers to arise similar and common feelings from inside to people. A person does not need to understand the lyrics of the song to share the same happiness or sadness with another person. A lot of composers like Vivaldi, Bach and Chopin have affected all world and their works are accepted by every person as a masterpiece. Furthermore, international musical organizations which can collect a lot of county and people together are the other prove for music’s connect power. Research studies which was conducted by International Music Organization have revealed that Eurovision is the most favorite organization among people. In conclusion, music has preserved it’s stable location to collect people together and affect on people even if they live different the corner of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a universal phenomenon although almost every culture has diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
structure, history and pleasure. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that collecting various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and cultures is possible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ı believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music’s
integration power.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the oldest communication device between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the human could not speak ability, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
voice and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to reflect their emotions. One of the fundamental tools for entertainment and worship was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
stayed together and community with these kinds of communication thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the same situation has been completing between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have diverse aspects and ages.
Therefore
, the same song and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be together with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Besides
, as much as listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
can gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. To exemplify, establishing an orchestra or a band requires considerable harmony with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who inside in these musical structures.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
triggers to arise similar and common feelings from inside to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A person does not need to understand the lyrics of the song to share the same happiness or sadness with another person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
composers like Vivaldi, Bach and Chopin have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
all world and their works are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by every person as a masterpiece.
Furthermore
, international musical organizations which can collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
county and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together are the other prove for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music’s
connect power. Research studies which
was conducted
by International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
Organization have revealed that Eurovision is the most favorite organization among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has preserved
Did you mean “its” (possessive pronoun) instead of ‘it’s’ (short for ‘it is’)?
it’s
stable location to collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together and
Did you mean “effect” (consequence, outcome, result)?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
the corner of the world.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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