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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. Do you agree or disagree? v.39

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. v. 39
It is often claimed that music is an effective means of uniting those of varying backgrounds and age ranges together. I agree with this because citizens from different cultures often have musical interests in common and music allows you to teach different kinds of people about your country. People from many different countries are fans of the same artists. This allows people to bond over their shared love of the same band or musical performer, therefore, they can get along with one another despite differences in nationality or even different generations. In many cases, people who would normally have difficulty getting along, have no problem becoming good friends because of their musical idols. For example, people from all over the world are fans of K-Pop, and even nationalities who have had historical differences, such as South Korea, Japan and China, can happily enjoy the same concert. When you meet someone new, you can teach them about your culture through music. Every country in the world has a unique musical identity, such as different genres, instruments, and songs; thus providing the opportunity to teach a stranger about it. One of the most effective ways to become closer to someone is to improve their lives by teaching them something new and music is often very interesting to people no matter who they are or where they are from. For example, Ireland has traditional Gaelic music and instruments, such as the boran, and people from all over the world visit there to learn about this unique musical culture. In conclusion, I agree that music can bring people together because it cuts through differences people might have through things we have in common and allows us to come closer by teaching one another about our unique musical heritage.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an effective means of uniting those of varying backgrounds and age ranges together. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
citizens from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
interests in common and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about your country.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries are fans of the same artists. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to bond over their shared
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of the same band or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
performer,
therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with one another despite differences in nationality or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
generations. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would
normally
have difficulty getting along, have no problem becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
idols.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world are fans of K-Pop, and even nationalities who have had historical differences, such as South Korea, Japan and China, can
happily
enjoy the same concert.

When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
someone new, you can teach them about your culture through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Every country in the world has a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
identity, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
genres, instruments, and songs;
thus
providing the opportunity to teach a stranger about it. One of the most effective ways to become closer to someone is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by teaching them something new and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no matter who they are or where they are from.
For example
, Ireland has traditional Gaelic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and instruments, such as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
boran
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world visit there to learn about this unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
culture.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
through differences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might have through things we have in common and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer by teaching one another about our unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
heritage.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. v. 39

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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