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Some people say that most important thing about being rich is that it gives you the opportunity to give back or help the poor. To which extent do u agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that most important thing about being rich is that it gives you the opportunity to give back or help the poor. To which extent do u agree or disagree? v. 1
According to some people the rich people get the opportunity to give back or help the poor, which is the most imperative part of being wealthy. I fully agree that prosperous people have enough resources to help the needy people and that is the most beautiful part of being affluent. Firstly, the rich people can help the poor people by doing some charity work. There are many families who are not in a position to provide education to their children. Well off folk can sponsor the education of such children. They can provide the basic amenities to needy people. Non Governmental Organisations are set up so that the help can reach to each and every person in need. In addition to this, there are more supportive points in regard to this. People with deep pockets have the capability to setup large businesses which generate employment for other citizens. Many factories are established in rural areas where labour work is the means of earning of some families. Being employed will not only improve the lifestyle of the person but will also encourage him to work hard. Many people wish to help the people in need, but some do not have enough resources to do that. So affluents are fortunate enough to get the chance to help the deprived one's. All in all, I can conclusively say that the tremendous part of being rich is getting the chance to help people through which one can gain a lot of satisfaction resulting in mental peace.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
the rich
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to give back or
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help
the poor, which is the most imperative part of being wealthy. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that prosperous
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people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to
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help
the needy
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people
and
that is
the most
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beautiful
part of being affluent.

Firstly
, the rich
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people
can
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help
the poor
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people
by doing
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some
charity work. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families who are not in a position to provide education to their children. Well off folk can sponsor the education of such children. They can provide the basic amenities to needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
Non Governmental
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisations' is British English.
Organisations
are set
up
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so
that the
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help
can reach to each and every person in need.

In addition
to this, there are more supportive points in regard to this.
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People
with deep pockets have the capability
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
to setup
large businesses which generate employment for other citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
factories
are established
in rural areas where
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
work is the means of earning of
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some
families.
Being employed
will not
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only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the lifestyle of the person
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but
will
also
encourage him to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

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Many
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people
wish to
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help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to do that.
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So
Possible spelling mistake found.
affluents
are fortunate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the deprived one's.

All in all, I can
conclusively
say that the tremendous part of being rich is getting the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through which one can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
satisfaction resulting in mental peace.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that most important thing about being rich is that it gives you the opportunity to give back or help the poor. To which extent do u agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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