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Some people say that mobile phones should not be allowed in public places, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles wherever they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people say that mobile phones should not be allowed in public places, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles wherever they like. v. 2
In recent years, there have been innumerable attempts to give definition and measure satisfaction in various contexts and pertaining to a wide range of disciplines. Consequently, I believe this divergent comes from each person's characteristics, attitudes, and religious beliefs. In this essay, I would like to analyse why happiness means diverse to each individual. As a matter of fact, people in different generation have their own objectives and interests. For example, children are pleased when their parents buy them toys. Notwithstanding, for young adults, happiness may mean following the latest clothes and hairstyles. Nevertheless, for senior people, having an admirable career and family may bring true contentment. Moreover, regarding the one’s instinct, perception of satisfaction is going to be different. For those of people who tend to have a prosperity pursuing the monetary wealth and getting profit is a priority goal. They even sacrifice everything to achieve their dreams. This would make them happy in their life. Instead, others who see life from a different angle tend to spend more time with family members and friends. In terms of obtaining exhilaration, we should consider that access ways to pleasure differ from one individual to another. Then people should define their priorities based on their objectives and aims. For instance, people who tend to achieve tertiary school and wish to ascend the summit in science ladder require to make endeavours to accomplish their goals. This goes same for other people with different objectives. However, individuals should be realistic and avoid being too ambitious about their objective. In conclusion, considering the fact that individual’s temperament varies from person to person, therefore, the meaning of being happy quite relies on personality. People should scrutinize themselves to set their goals based on their abilities. Being too ambitious may lead to disappointed, preventing individuals to attain a happy life.
In recent years, there have been innumerable attempts to give definition and measure satisfaction in various contexts and pertaining to a wide range of disciplines.
Consequently
, I believe this divergent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from each person's characteristics, attitudes, and religious beliefs. In this essay, I would like to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
why happiness means diverse to each individual.

As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
generation have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
objectives and interests.
For example
, children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
when their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them toys. Notwithstanding, for young adults, happiness may mean following the latest clothes and hairstyles.
Nevertheless
, for senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, having an admirable career and family may bring true contentment.

Moreover
, regarding the one’s instinct, perception of satisfaction is going to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
. For those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who tend to have a prosperity pursuing the monetary wealth and getting profit is a priority goal. They even sacrifice everything to achieve their dreams. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy in their life.
Instead
, others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
life from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
angle tend to spend more time with family members and friends.

In terms of obtaining exhilaration, we should consider that access ways to pleasure differ from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to another. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should define their priorities based on their objectives and aims.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who tend to achieve tertiary school and wish to ascend the summit in science ladder require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
to accomplish their goals. This goes same for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
objectives.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be realistic and avoid being too ambitious about their objective.

In conclusion
, considering the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
temperament varies from person to person,
therefore
, the meaning of being happy quite relies on personality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should scrutinize themselves to set their goals based on their abilities. Being too ambitious may lead to disappointed, preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to attain a happy life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people say that mobile phones should not be allowed in public places, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles wherever they like. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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